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It Takes a Village to Raise a Mom

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It Takes a Village to Raise a Mom:

Instagram Accounts for New Parents

 

There is something all at once exhilarating and frightening at the prospect of becoming a parent. And of course, any current parent will tell you (way more often than you really want to hear, honestly) how much you “don’t know what you don’t know” until you are in the thick of the newborn stage, sometimes struggling to stay afloat. During those times for myself, it was often comforting to find professional advice via social media accounts, as well as personal advice from friends who didn’t mind me frantic-texting about strange colors of poop and that new pterodactyl noise my daughter was making.

While none of these accounts should be used in place of seeking specific, professional advice for your family and child’s individual needs, I’ve found that supportive voices in cyberspace often helped me find comradery and advice from moms who have gone before me.

But before I share some of my favorite accounts with you, my therapist brain finds it important to set some ground rules for all of us prior to using these accounts. Bear with me.

 

1. Prioritize accounts that are run by licensed professionals. There is nothing more emotionally debilitating than finding yourself lost in the comments section of lay-people’s random, firey, polarizing opinions on sleeping and feeding practices. Influencers have their place (normalization, humor, & connection), but are not to be replaced by professional voices on important topics.

2. Know when to stop. You don’t ever have to continue to follow an account that is no longer serving you well. For that matter, it is absolutely okay to take a social media break all together if you find yourself experiencing heightened anxiety, depression, or intrusive thoughts*. I previously had a personal experience in which I chose to unfollow a poetry account about motherhood because, in its beautiful way, it evoked emotions so strong that I felt suffocated by them. I chose to return to that account when I am further in my post-partum journey.

3. Take what you need; leave what you don’t. Even professionals will often disagree on various topics, but they are more likely to provided evidence-based research to support their claims. Even then, for every evidence-based study that is conclusive toward one perspective, there is another completely contradictory one. At the end of the day, you get to choose for yourself what works best for your family. You can always reach out to a local professional for more catered and specific support for yourself and your child.

4. Nothing is one-size fit all. What works for one person’s family may not work for you. This is a really good time to remember that influencers are not professionals, no matter how funny or relatable they may be.

5. Trust the gut that the good Lord gave you. Your parenting intuition and real-life experience is more valuable than you think. Don’t throw your gut feelings out the window because of a graphic you recently saw on Instagram. Your child’s wake windows aren’t lining up perfectly with the recommendation for their age? Maybe he is teething—or sick—or going through a developmental leap. You are not raising your child in a linearly-trending vacuum, but in a real-world set of variables at any given moment. You are the expert on these variables.

6. Instagram moms aren’t showing you all of their skeletons in their closet. You are not failing if your day, your child, or your top knot doesn’t look anything like theirs.

Okay, enough caveats. Let’s get started and have some fun!

 

Feeding

@FeedingLittles

A dietician and an OT (Occupational Therapist)* who provide feeding tips for babies, toddlers, and kids.

@La.Leche.League

@LaLecheLeagueUSA

Nonprofit providing breastfeeding support: They can also connect you to local support groups and lactation consultants

@SolidStarts

A team of made up of a nutritionist, allergist, swallowing and feeding specialists, & GI pediatrician* who are passionate about preventing picky eating in children and helping you confidently feed your kiddos

@Moomysmilk

Breastfeeding support

 

Postpartum & Baby Care

@Tinyhood

Education on various parenting topics (they currently have a FREE breastfeeding course)

@Karrie_Locher

A pediatric nurse with a multitude of resources and tips. Her baby registry guide is helpful for many mamas.

@TheKegelChronicles

A pair of PTs* and certified pelvic floor specialists* who hilariously provide honest education about pelvic floor health

@PostpartumSupportInternational

@postpartumsupportint_espanol

A nonprofit organization providing help for both moms and dads with perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. Their website is an amazing resource for in-person and online support of varying levels.

@DrBetseyPT

Pelvic floor PT* and birth coach who provides pregnancy and postpartum education. This is a great resource to learn more about what happens to your body in pregnancy and beyond—and how to move safely through each stage of the perinatal experience

@Mamastefit

Pre and postnatal fitness support from a doula* and nurse. Helps you comfortably and safely approach exercise through pregnancy and postpartum

@DogMeets_Baby

For families with dogs who are hoping for a stress-free and safe transition for their dogs while welcoming a new baby into their home

@AmandatheMamaCoachVan

Self-proclaimed “mama coach”, a nurse and lactation consultant* who provides resources for feeding, sleep, and general parenting skills

 

Sleep

@TakingCaraBabies

A nurse who created one of the more well-known trainings for sleep support. Her “day in the life” highlights were especially helpful for me to level my expectations as I prepared for motherhood.

@LittleVillageSleep

Sleep support without utilizing “sleep training”

@HeySleepyBaby

Resources for sleep support

 

Development

@theWonderWeeks

The Wonder Weeks is also an app that can help you better understand your baby’s developmental leaps, or what I like to call “mental growth spurts.”

@OnTrackBaby

Pediatric OTs* (Occupational Therapists) who help guide parents through their baby’s physical development

 

Travel

@WhereIsBriggs

A mama and her 15 month old who make travel look doable and teach you their tricks along the way

@SafeIntheSeat

Car Seat Safety courses and resources

@the_car_mom

Certified CPST* and car saleswoman

@KierstenBrookeTravels

Tips for traveling with a baby. A helpful, free packing checklist is included on her site

 

Local

@DallasMoms

@CollinCountyMoms

@fwmoms

Local parenting collectives; check them out for events, support, and even neighborhood play dates or book clubs!

 

Relatability

@Hannahwiththelipstick

A mom you can probably relate to

@Jessurlichs_writer

She brings linguistic beauty to the motherhood experience!

@Mother.ly

Engaging and honest community of parenting stories

@HerViewFromHome

Supportive account about faith, relationships, and parenting

@MotherLift

3 sisters (a doula, therapist, & designer) who post supportive and funny parenting content

 

Emotional Health

@Big Little Feelings

A therapist providing parenting support for toddler tantrums

@DrCassidy

Family Therapist and mom to 3

@PsychedMommy

PMH-C* licensed clinical psychologist who is dedicated to helping moms with their own emotional and mental health

 

Terms and Definitions for New Parents

Certified Pelvic Floor Therapists: Professionals who provide physical therapy to assist patients in utilizing better function of the pelvic floor.

CPST: Child Passenger Safety Technician: Certified technicians who provide instruction, education, and support for families installing and using car seats

Doula: a trained, professional labor assistant who provides services through pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. May be used alongside a doctor, midwife, or other birth professionals. Postpartum doulas specifically assist with at-home postpartum and newborn care.

Gastrointestinal Pediatrician: A doctor who specifically diagnoses and treats digestive concerns in children

IBCLC: International Board Certified Lactation Consultant: Lactation consultants support a mother and baby through the breastfeeding process. Many are covered under insurance and some come in-home.

Intrusive Thoughts: unwanted thoughts, often scary or startling, that “pop up” abruptly, sometimes repetitively, and can cause emotional distress.

OT : Occupational Therapist: Professionals who offer treatments that support patients in better functioning in their everyday tasks and activities

Perinatal: The time before, during, and after the birth of a child. Much like the term “postpartum,” the exact number of weeks or months can vary.

PMH-C: Perinatal Mental Health Certification: a certification available to a number of different types of licensed professionals. These individuals have dedicated special time, education, and practice to the support of perinatal clients

Postpartum: the term postpartum refers to the time after a woman has a baby. There are varying opinions on how long this time lasts; some resources consider the postpartum period to be the first 6 weeks following a birth, whereas many other professionals consider the postpartum period to last up to a year or more following the birth.

PT: Physical Therapist: Professionals who offer treatments regarding the physical body using exercises, massage, and other forms of care.

 

The messages relayed in each of these Instagram accounts do not necessarily reflect the individual or collective views of ChristianWorks or Allison Hurst.

America’s Forgotten Mother

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TRIGGER WARNING: discussions of infant loss, maternal mortality, and family separation

She’s been on my heart, lately: the Black enslaved mother in our nation’s history. I can picture her, feel her loss and terror. And yet, her experiences are unimaginable compared to mine, I think, as I rock my baby girl in the wee hours of the morning. I hold her safe and free in our mauve-painted nursery piled with books she’s allowed to learn to read in a house she’s allowed to own. Instead of being owned, herself.

The history of motherhood for the Black community in the United States is one of horrendous loss, fear, and mourning. And on this Black history month in particular, the Black mother is so vividly in my heart.

I recently re-read a Langston Hughes poem that I remember from a lit class ages ago, written from the perspective of a Black mother. Her words linger with me:

All you dark children in the world out there,

Remember my sweat, my pain, my despair.

Remember my years, heavy with sorrow —

And make of those years a torch for tomorrow.

Make of my pass a road to the light

Out of the darkness, the ignorance, the night.

(Hughes, 1931)

As a white mother raising a suburban family in the year 2022, I am hardly the intended recipient of this poem. Yet, it speaks to me in these early mornings as a banner of hope for the sisterhood of mothers who continue to struggle. It calls to me as a maternity caseworker, fighting for change and support for the women in my community. And it painfully sings to me a reminder of the bleak experiences of mothers who came before us, who underwent useless harm, unspeakable trauma, and familial loss for the sake of someone else’s economical gain. My stomach turns at the thought.

We still fight, side by side, for that mother.

We fight for the mother brought to unknown soil, separated from her babies and children, and bred as a means for financial gain of her captors.

The mother who watched her child, ripped from her arms, be sold off and never seen again. We ache for her. My heart rips in two simply typing those words. Those words were her reality.

We cry for the mother, who, during a pregnancy which may have even been forced upon her, begins to recognize that her entire maternal experience is forced to be the vehicle for the continuation and spread of slavery.

What a burden she carries. What a realization for her to learn that her legal worth is balanced on her ability to continue to produce further enslaved peoples {9}.

We fight for the mother who knew there was a 50% chance of her child dying in childbirth or within the first year due to derelict conditions and lack of nutrition {10}.

And then, there’s the mother who was used carelessly for medical and experimental practice by white physicians. Often, her baby’s deaths were blamed on herself instead of on the conditions in which she was forced to live during her pregnancy {10}.

Let’s also not forget the mother who was legally free in the 20th century, but still socially enslaved in a world that found her earning a meager wage by raising someone else’s white children, or farming someone else’s land, just to keep her own family minimally clothed and fed.

Consider the mother whose prayers began and ended with vigilant petitions to keep her family safe in a world that continued to view her as a commodity—as a blip in the system built for anyone but her.

_______

It isn’t hard to see how Black mothers (and entire families) remained understandably leery of the healthcare system for decades upon decades to come in the American post-slavery era. Some of the earliest federally-funded community healthcare programs in the 1960’s were actually created to offset this hesitation of Black families to seek healthcare. Clinics such as these offered safe, reliable healthcare for African American communities to build trust in physicians {10}.

And yet, this was hardly enough to bridge the gap in access to care and overall wellbeing between the Black and White communities.

Unfortunately, a gap continues to persist today.

Today in the United States, a Black mother is three times more likely to die from pregnancy and pregnancy-related health events than a White mother {1}. Further, the modern disparity in infant mortality rates is actually wider than during parts of the slavery era; we know that “in 1850, enslaved infants died before 1 year of age at a rate 1.6 times higher than that of White infants,” whereas CDC data from 2016 shows that today, “non-Hispanic Black infant mortality is 2.3 times higher than mortality among non-Hispanic White babies” {10}.

These numbers are staggering, and there are plenty more like them, with Dallas County numbers consistent with these national ones.

Abide Women’s Health Services, a Dallas clinic dedicated to providing holistic and accessible care for women, speaks to these disparities. Abide’s website shares data from the 2016 Dallas County Health Assessment, which identifies that maternal mortality, infant mortality, teen pregnancy, and low birth weight rates are all significantly higher for Black women and babies than those who are White, right here in Dallas County {11, 6}.

These persisting disparities, and a desire to provide respectful care to mothers who need it, fuels Abide’s goal to make a positive impact on birth outcomes for Black women and their children in the Dallas area. One of their objectives is to make healthcare a safe space for women and families who may have had

discouraging, disrespectful, or racist experiences in the past, or who may carry understandable hesitancy in approaching the medical community.

If you’re local to the DFW area and hopeful to become involved in this important work, learn more about Abide’s mission and foundational values at www.abidewomen.org as they lead the way in targeting the disheartening realities that many of our Black mothers and children face right here in DFW.

_______

It is easy to become overwhelmed by the Black maternal and infant mortality rates in the United States, but helplessness does not have to be our response. In the Dallas Fort Worth area in particular, there are a wealth of opportunities to become involved in responding to this crisis. For starters, ChristianWorks’ own BecomingMom program offers free, licensed counseling for any expecting parent or parent of a child 36 months or younger. Volunteers can donate diapers and wipes, as well as other items, that we distribute to parents in the BecomingMom program.

Pregnancy Resource Centers throughout DFW offer free medical and educational care for pregnant women, as well as offering social support and mentorships. To find one in your area that we refer clients to, contact us! There are a few listed below that our maternity support professionals recommend; these centers are often seeking volunteers for various roles. We also keep on hand a list of housing resources, mental healthcare, and other supports for pregnant and parenting mothers if you would like to learn more from one of our professionals or caseworkers.

But most of all, becoming aware of the need for safe and inclusive maternal care is highly important. Where are the gaps you can fill in your immediate community? Seek those out. Stand with us as we continue to fight in solidarity for our Black mamas—not just in history, but today.

_______

DFW-Area Pregnancy Resource Centers

*not an exhaustive list

Woman to Woman (Downtown Dallas & DeSoto locations)

Thrive (multiple locations across DFW)

Real Options (Allen, TX)

Woman to Woman (Denton, TX)

Hope Women’s Center (McKinney, TX)

Pregnancy Women’s Center of Rockwall (Rockwall, TX)

Fort Worth Pregnancy Center

Fort Worth Pregnancy Help Center

MidCities Women’s Clinic (Euless, TX)

Pregnancy Center of Rockwall and Mesquite (Rockwall, Mesquite, TX)

Prestonwood Pregnancy Center (Richardson, TX & other locations)

Brazos Pregnancy Center (Granbury, TX)

_______

References:

1. Birthing while Black: Examining America’s Black Maternal Health Crisis. March of Dimes. (2021). Retrieved February 6, 2022, from https://www.marchofdimes.org/news/birthing-while-black-examining-americas-black-maternal-health-crisis.aspx?gclid=Cj0KCQiAuvOPBhDXARIsAKzLQ8HbDvfKsfHgRxt1oMXBFa2XBF8pNpWzCX2xe4pisgGF3YIt4PeWLw8aAsclEALw_wcB

2. Booker-Drew, B. F. (2021, May 11). How this Dallas mom is helping protect Black mothers and their babies. Texas Metro News. Retrieved February 6, 2022, from https://texasmetronews.com/10439/black-maternal-mortality-cessilye-smith-abide/

3. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2019, September 6). Racial and ethnic disparities continue in pregnancy-related deaths. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved February 6, 2022, from https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2019/p0905-racial-ethnic-disparities-pregnancy-deaths.html

4. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2020, November 25). Pregnancy mortality surveillance system. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved February 7, 2022, from https://www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/maternal-mortality/pregnancy-mortality-surveillance-system.htm?CDC_AA_refVal=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.cdc.gov%2Freproductivehealth%2Fmaternalinfanthealth%2Fpregnancy-mortality-surveillance-system.htm#trends

5. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2021, April 9). Working together to reduce Black Maternal Mortality. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved February 6, 2022, from https://www.cdc.gov/healthequity/features/maternal-mortality/index.html

6. Community Health Needs Assessment. DallasCounty.org. (2016). Retrieved February 9, 2022, from https://www.dallascounty.org/departments/dchhs/community-health-needs-assessment.php

7. Hughes, L. (1931). The negro mother: Poem. Golden Stair Press.

8. Morgan, J. L. (2004). Laboring women reproduction and gender in new world slavery. University of Pennsylvania Press.

9. Morgan, J. L. (2018). Partus sequitur ventrem. Small Axe: A Caribbean Journal of Criticism, 22(1), 1–17. https://doi.org/10.1215/07990537-4378888

10. Owens, D. C., & Fett, S. M. (2019). Black maternal and infant health: Historical legacies of slavery. American Journal of Public Health, 109(10), 1342–1345. https://doi.org/10.2105/ajph.2019.305243

11. Why we exist. Abide Women’s Health Services. (2022, January 13). Retrieved February 3, 2022, from https://abidewomen.org/why-we-exist/

1000 Hours of Wonder

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What would you be willing to commit to doing for 1000 hours a year? For one family, the answer to that question is as big as the outdoor world is wide.

Several years ago, Josh and Ginny Yurich stumbled upon research suggesting that 4-6 hours of daily outdoor time for children is optimal for healthy development. Astonished, and skeptical that this recommendation could possibly translate to a real-life family’s schedule, the Yurichs accepted the challenge for themselves to spend 1000 hours a year outdoors, largely to offset another statistic that they discovered: that children spend on-average 1200 hours a year in front of a screen (AACAP, 2020). This experiment quickly became a lifestyle for the family, which you can read about on their blog, www.1000hoursoutside.com, or on Instagram @1000hoursoutside. Josh and Ginny, inspired by their immersion into the outdoors, continue to chronicle their adventures and build resources to help other families do the same.

_________

It doesn’t take too much reading and research to find that the Yurichs just might be onto something. Charlotte Mason, a leading reformer of education at the turn of the 19th century, is credited for initiating many of the conversations regarding children’s need for free play and exploration of the outdoors. She believed that nature itself played a major role in education, with very little academic intervention needed from adults in the first six years of life. She wrote,

“The educational error of our day is that we believe too much in mediators. Now, Nature is her own mediator, undertakes, herself, to find work for eyes and ears, taste and touch; she will prick the brain with problems and the heart with feelings” (Mason et al., 2005).

Though Charlotte Mason’s work took place over a century ago, there continues to exist a healthy body of contemporary research that largely agrees with her suggestions for free play and nature exposure for children (Hanscom, 2016; Louv, 2008). Benefits to outdoor exposure for children of all ages include increased executive functioning, creativity, regulatory skills (the ability to independently calm oneself), focus, physical fitness, and relational connection (Weir, 2020; McCarthy, 2020).

And while 4-6 hours of outside time may seem like an extraordinarily lofty goal for your family, there are still simple ways to expose your child to the natural world that don’t necessarily have to equate to 4 or more hours a day.

For newborns and infants, even small amounts of sunshine and outdoor exposure can assist in helping a child build circadian rhythms and sleep more soundly at night (Harrison, 2004). This could be achieved by something as simple as walking to the mailbox together, pausing to chat with your child about what you see on the way. Or, maybe you find yourself lingering while getting out of the car to go into the grocery store. Many of our everyday activities are marked by rushing from one indoor space to another. Simply pausing in the outdoor air and remarking on 2-3 things that you see can begin to build on your child’s outdoor experiences.

For an added touch, include some sensory input. “See that tree? I wonder what it feels like; let’s touch it! The leaves are smooth on your hand, but the bark is rough.” Commenting on outdoor experiences adds to your child’s language development, no matter how young.

Further suggestions from parents who seek to make outdoor time a priority for children of varying ages include eating meals outdoors, using outdoor sights as a way to introduce words in foreign languages, encouraging children to paint or draw a scene that they see, or encouraging “free play” in a wide-open space in which children can play freely with imagination and exploration (Shafer, 2021).

_________

Since learning of the Yurich family, and their hashtag #1000hoursoutside, I’ve been fixated on the idea of 1000 hours for my own family. At a time like this, as we are collectively peering down another year still inevitably ridden with talk of pandemics and masks and mandates, the idea of 1000 hours outside—or anywhere other than our respective living rooms–seems more and more appealing.

You see, biology tells us that we are plainly not meant to spend this long mucking through the pandemic-induced stress response of “fight or flight.” It is a response meant to be a short-term survival strategy, marked by short jolts of cortisol and epinephrine, not a long-term fix (Harvard Health, 2020). And the more we live submerged in these hormones that were designed to be short-term solutions, the more of a persistent impact this stress will wreak on our physiological selves.

Year three of pandemic life is upon us, and it is time—time to emerge from our survival mindset and begin settling into life on our own terms—living with wonder and expectation, once more.

And for those of us with children, this task toward wonder is even more important. I’m sure we could each write novels about the things our children have lost over the past two years—socially, emotionally, and academically. Yet, we ourselves are the agents for change in the equation; this is the moment we can shred that list of losses and nudge our families into a different direction.

Simply put, we cannot possibly keep white-knuckling this pandemic. We must allow our families to adapt, thrive, and grow–to be curious, to be awed, and seek creativity—things that, for children, are mandatory aspects of healthy development (Kwon et al., 2013).

So, why not loosen those knuckles and try something new? Why not commit to a year of wonder? And while finding those hours of free play and exploration for your children, why not seek that same kind of wide-open wonder for yourself?

Maybe it’s not #1000hoursoutside for your family. Maybe the goal is to read 20 books together. Meet 10 new people. Try 50 new recipes.

What about 500 hours of intentional family time?

Simply put, what does your family need to find excitement and wonder again?

May we join our children in these happy endeavors; may the playful work of their childhood be the joy that releases us from our pandemic sleeps. Happy wonder-ing, friends. I’ll see you out there.

Aacap. (n.d.). Screen time and children. Screen Time and Children. Retrieved January 23, 2022, from https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Children-And-Watching-TV-054.aspx

Hanscom, A. J. (2016). Balanced and barefoot: How unrestricted outdoor play makes for strong, confident, and capable children. New Harbinger Publications Inc.

Harrison, Y. (2004). The relationship between daytime exposure to light and night-time sleep in 6-12-week-old infants. Journal of Sleep Research, 13(4), 345–352. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1365-2869.2004.00435.x

Kwon, K.-A., Bingham, G., Lewsader, J., Jeon, H.-J., & Elicker, J. (2013). Structured task versus free play: The influence of social context on parenting quality, toddlers’ engagement with parents and play behaviors, and parent–toddler language use. Child & Youth Care Forum, 42(3), 207–224. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10566-013-9198-x

Louv, R. (2008). Last child in the Woods. Algonquin Books.

Mason, C. M., & Laurio, L. N. (2005). In Home Education in Modern English: Volume 1 of Charlotte Mason’s series (pp. 192–193). essay, Ambleside Online.

McCarthy (2020, October 27). 6 reasons children need to play outside. Harvard Health. Retrieved January 24, 2022, from https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/6-reasons-children-need-to-play-outside-2018052213880

Shafer, S. (2021, April 21). Outdoor Life for preschoolers–early years homeschooling, part 4. Simply Charlotte Mason. Retrieved January 23, 2022, from https://simplycharlottemason.com/blog/outdoor-life-for-preschoolers-early-years-homeschooling/

Understanding the stress response. Harvard Health. (2020, July 6). Retrieved January 21, 2022, from https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/understanding-the-stress-response

Weir, K. (2020, April 1). Nurtured by nature. Monitor on Psychology. Retrieved January 24, 2022, from https://www.apa.org/monitor/2020/04/nurtured-nature

Yurich, V. (n.d.). 1000 hours outside. 1000 Hours Outside. Retrieved January 20, 2022, from https://www.1000hoursoutside.com/