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Coping with grief during the Holiday Season

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You are not alone. Holidays are often difficult for anyone who has experienced the death of someone loved. Rather than being times of family togetherness, sharing and thanksgiving, holidays can bring feelings of sadness, loss and emptiness. Society encourages you to join in the holiday spirit, but all around you the sounds, sights and smells trigger memories of the one you love who has died.

No simple guidelines exist that will take away the hurt you are feeling. We hope, however, the following suggestions will help you better cope with your grief during this joyful, yet painful, time of the year. As you read through this brochure, remember that by being tolerant and compassionate with yourself, you will continue to heal in your personal grief experience.

Talk About Your Grief: During the holiday season, don’t be afraid to express your feelings of grief. Ignoring your grief won’t make the pain go away and talking about it openly often makes you feel better. Find caring friends and relatives who will listen – without judging you. They will help make you feel understood.

Be Tolerant of Your Physical or Psychological Limits: Feelings of loss will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Your low energy level may naturally slow you down. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. And lower your own expectations about being at your peak during the holiday season.

Eliminate Unnecessary Stress: You may already feel stressed so don’t overextend yourself. Avoid isolating yourself, but be sure to recognize the need to have special time for yourself. Realize also that merely “keeping busy” won’t distract you from your grief, but may actually increase stress and postpone the need to talk out thoughts and feelings related to your grief.

Be With Supportive Comforting People: Identify those friends and relatives who understand that the holiday season can increase your sense of loss and who will allow you to talk openly about your feelings. Find those persons who encourage you to be yourself and accept your feelings – both happy and sad.

Mention the Name of the Person Who Has Died: Include the person’s name in your holiday conversation. If you are unable to talk candidly, other people are more likely to recognize your need to remember that special person who was an important part of your life.

Do What is Right for You During the Holidays: Well-meaning friends and family often try to prescribe what is good for you during the holidays. Instead of going along with their plans, focus on what you want to do. Discuss your wishes with a caring, trusted friend. Talking about these wishes will help you clarify what it is you want to do during the holidays. Talking about these wishes will help you clarify what it is you want to do during the holidays. As you become aware of your needs, share them with your friends and family.

Be Gentle on Others, Too: Their emotional reserves may be just as depleted as yours. Be as patient and kind with others as you would want them to be with you. Give yourself a break from people if you feel too stressed to be pleasant around them.

Plan Ahead for Family Gatherings: Decide which family traditions you want to continue and which new ones you would like to begin following the death of someone loved. Structure your holiday time. This will help you anticipate activities, rather than just reacting to whatever happens. Getting caught off guard can create feelings of panic, fear and anxiety during the time of the year when your feelings of grief are already heightened. As you make your plans however, leave room to change them if you feel it is appropriate.

Embrace Your Treasure of Memories: Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. And holidays always make you think of times past. Instead of ignoring these memories, share them with your family and friends. Keep in mind that memories are tinged with both happiness and sadness. If your memories bring laughter, smile. If your memories bring sadness, then it’s all right to cry. Memories that were made in love – no one can ever take them away from you.

Renew Your Resources for Living: Spend time thinking about the meaning and purpose of your life. The death of someone loved created opportunities for taking inventory of your life – past, present and future. The combination of a holiday and a loss naturally results in looking inward and assessing your individual situation. Make the best use of this time to define the positive things in life that surround you.

Express Your Faith: During the holidays, you may find a renewed sense of faith or discover a new set of beliefs. Associate with people who understand and respect your need to talk about these beliefs. If your faith is important, you may want to attend a holiday service or special religious ceremony.

As You Approach the Holidays, Remember – Grief is Both a Necessity and a Privilege: It comes as a result of giving and receiving love. Don’t let anyone take your grief away. Love yourself. Be patient with yourself. And allow yourself to be surrounded by loving, caring people.

Helpful Health and Eating Resources During Quarantine

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In this sudden “new normal” of social distancing and quarantine practices, people who struggle with anxious thoughts and emotions regarding their eating habits are finding themselves trapped in their homes with surpluses of the one thing they fear misusing the most: food.

If this describes you, guess what? You are not alone. This experience is more common than you would think, and we are here to help.  In fact, there are bodies of research that suggest that dieting (which many of us have done at least once in our adult lives), is a strong predictor of restricting and binge patterns throughout ones’ lifetime.  And to feel trapped in our homes facing nothing but foods which we’ve been conditioned to fear can be a little unnerving.

“Diet culture” tells us that we can’t trust our hunger and fullness cues, and to do so is dangerous.  Reality and biology tells us that, with support and practice, we can absolutely eat without anxiety, and come to trust our emotional and biological cues.

Did you know one of our counselors here at ChristianWorks works specifically with people of all ages who struggle with eating disorders, negative relationships with food and dieting, and body image?  In the counseling room, Allison can assist you in exploring the emotional and psychological experiences surrounding your eating and food concerns, while also connecting you with local, trusted dietetic and nutritional professionals.  Call our intake office to learn more.

In the meantime, check out the resources below for support and information below.

 

Intuitive Eating Resources:

https://www.intuitiveeating.org/

http://thefoodfreedomguide.com/

https://www.amazon.com/Intuitive-Eating-Workbook-Principles-Relationship/dp/1626256225

https://www.amazon.com/Anti-Diet-Reclaim-Well-Being-Happiness-Intuitive/dp/0316420352

 

Podcasts:

You Can Eat With Us with Cara Harbstreet, MS, RD, LD

Love Food with Julie Duffy Dillon, RD

Food Psych with Christy Harrison, MPH, RD, CDN

 

Instagram Accounts Allison suggests:

@Ginger_in_Progress

@Dallasnutritionalcounseling

@Tesspattersonrd

@whitneylpc

@no_food_police

@werenotweighting

@texaseatingdisorders

@eatingrecoverycenter

@centerfordiscovery

@NEDA

@chr1styharrison

 

International Association for Eating Disorders Professional Search:

https://iaedp.site-ym.com/search/custom.asp?id=4255

 

The opinions expressed on these accounts do not directly represent the views and opinions of ChristianWorks and/or Allison Hurst.

New Year, Same You And Why That’s Totally Okay

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There’s a crisp excitement in the air at the start of a new year.  Maybe it’s our learned way of grieving the close of the holiday season; we box up our ornaments and lights, place the ugly sweaters back in the dark corner of the guest bedroom, and often feel as if we’ve lost a little magic.

So to cope, we make resolutions.  We open up a brand-new journal, or download an app to track our progress, or type out a long Facebook post to fervently proclaim the large mountain we are setting out to climb in 2021.  This is my year, we say. This is when it happens, we think.  And in our deepest core, in the places we don’t let others see, we often whisper, I’ll finally be who I am supposed to be.

But what if we did not have to fulfill this deep insecurity that we aren’t all we need to be?

There is a great body of research which suggests that self-efficacy, or the confidence in ones’ abilities, is imperative for achieving personal goals.  Yet, many of us approach New Year’s resolutions with the innermost expectation that I’m not good enough, and this will help.

So let’s turn it upside down. What if you are ALREADY capable, and strong, and worthy, and smart?

And what if believing these things on the front end actually increases your chances of success?

Brene’ Brown, a clinical researcher (and fifth generation Texan) who is quickly becoming a household name, reminds us that “You either walk inside your story and own it, or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.”

If you’re like me, hustling for your worthiness has not gotten you many places thus far.  But wearing your worth with pride and beginning goals with the expectation that achieving them will only spread icing on the cake of the person you already are: now that is the stuff that a new year is made of.

 

References:
Bandura, A. (1986). Social foundations of thought and action: A social cognitive theory.
Brown, B. (2015). Rising strong.