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Tragic Events Can Affect Us All

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Were you aware that when you read about or hear about news reports of major tragedies, they may be impacting your own life beyond what you may realize?

The recent devastating hurricanes… reports of terrible earthquake damage… the threatening military actions in the far east… the too-numerous terror attacks occurring in Europe — any and all of these, no matter how far removed from where you live, are events that can affect each of us in negative ways.

We all want to feel safe in our daily lives, but when we see and hear exhaustive news reports of tragic events on a regular basis, it can bring on very real physical and emotional reactions. It’s called vicarious trauma. Such reactions are common and normal in the face of events too large and horrific for normal comprehension. They can make you wonder just how safe you are as you realize that whatever just happened, or something similar could just as easily happen to you.

Real physical reactions can include chills, nausea, dizziness, and headaches. You may find yourself more irritable, prone to anger or sudden emotional outbursts. Some people experience confusion or nightmares, or may simply find it difficult to relax.

The problems that can arise are not in the emotions we feel, but in how we respond to them. When you deny such feelings or try to hide from them by working longer hours, or by turning to alcohol or drugs, you aren’t validating and accepting your very real, very normal feelings.

A good way to respond to such feelings is to go back to basics. Stick to a schedule. Be well rested. Eat healthy meals. Alternate exercise and relaxation.

If feeling overly anxious, try pampering yourself a little. Take a hot bath, listen to your favorite music, read a good novel, maybe even allow yourself to cry. It’s also important to spend time with others and to talk about what you’re feeling. In times of tragedy, you’ll find others are experiencing similar feelings and reactions and are often eager to discuss them.

It’s also a good time to start or increase, volunteer work. Helping others also helps you as your work makes the world a little bit better.

Being affected by tragedies is a very normal human reaction. When it happens, acknowledge what you’re feeling and take steps to help you feel better.

CounselingWorks offers family, couple and individual Christian counseling on an affordable sliding scale fee. For more information or to schedule an appointment, contact us today. 

This article is provided by the American Counseling Association. Visit the ACA website at www.counseling.org.

Some Tips For Surviving Your Child’s Teenage Years

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The teenage years are never easy — for either the teen or the parents. It’s a time of little communication beyond eye rolls, sullen silence, and that infamous “whatever.” It’s a time when you wonder if either of you will survive this period.

It’s often very frustrating, but can be easier if you recognize what jobs each of you now have and how best to approach them.

  • Your job is to raise a compassionate and competent adult who can handle the challenges of life and who has a sense of what it’s like from the other guy’s perspective.
  • Your job is not to be a genie who makes all your child’s dreams come true or to be a servant doing things your teen is perfectly capable of doing on his or her own. You can’t always rescue your child from failure or life’s inevitable pains.

Your teen’s job, on the other hand, is to separate from you and test the waters of life.

When your child drives you up the wall by pushing limits, that’s what’s supposed to happen. It’s all part of the developmental process, of becoming an adult. You have an absolutely normal child.

But that doesn’t mean you should just smile and accept it all. You are expected to show the appropriate feelings, set limits and impose reasonable consequences for unacceptable behavior.

How do you do this when you’re so angry you could explode?

  • Start by calming down. Don’t confront your child when all you can think about is how angry you are. Take a walk, a hot bath or whatever it takes to relax.
  • Tell your child that you plan to discuss the situation later. That gives you enough time to prepare your response thoughtfully, not emotionally.
  • Sit down with your child at the appointed time. Don’t yell, scream or engage in any physical acting out. You have to be a model of responsible behavior if you expect the same from your teen.
  • Share your feelings using “I statements,” like “I was very scared about what you did without my permission.” Discuss appropriate consequences. Don’t threaten things that you won’t or can’t carry out.
  • And when handing out punishments, it’s also important to affirm that you love the child but dislike the behavior. Make it clear that what happened disappointed you.

With patience, love and a sense of humor, you will survive the teenage years.

CounselingWorks offers family, couple and individual Christian counseling on an affordable sliding scale fee.

This article is provided by the American Counseling Association. Visit the ACA website at www.counseling.org.

Why Parent-Teen Communications Often Fall Short

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As a parent, you want to be there for your teenager. You try to learn what’s happening in his or her life and try to help with problems or uncertainties he or she may be facing.

But despite your best efforts, most of the time you are rebuffed. Responses ranging from stony silence to outright hostility leave you wondering how you have failed so miserably in connecting with your own child.

The problem, however, may not be your fault but just the simple fact that parent-teen communications are inherently complicated.

One reason is simply that it’s not easy to be a teenager. There’s a variety of unsettling biological, psychological and emotional changes that are all part of a teen’s normal developmental process. Pile on top of that the pressures of school, extracurricular activities, maybe a part-time job, and then the anxiety of college or a career in the near future, and it becomes easier to understand why the open communication you enjoyed with your preteen has become much more challenging.

Teenagers may often feel that their parents just can’t understand all the changes and pressures they are facing. These feelings may be reinforced when parents react negatively to teens seeking to separate more from their parents and be more independent.

While we all want our children to grow up and be responsible adults, it can be confusing to deal with as our teens take their first tentative steps in that direction. This same process is also hard on the teen’s side. He or she is anxious about sharing feelings of insecurity or uncertainty, about admitting mistakes, since it will just make him or her look weak, immature and not ready for the freedoms so badly desired.

There is no quick fix for any of these communication issues, but it’s important not to give up on the effort. While many of your communication attempts will likely seem inadequate, every now and then you will break through and have a meaningful discussion. As importantly, your attempts to stay connected are active demonstrations of your love and concern.

Look for opportunities to let your teens know you’re trying to understand and sympathize with all they are facing. Offer positive feedback when it’s deserved and let them know your trust and respect is being earned. It takes work to open up communication, but it is worth the effort.

CounselingWorks offers family, couple and individual Christian counseling on an affordable sliding scale fee. 

This article is provided by the American Counseling Association. Visit the ACA website at www.counseling.org.