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Gatekeeping for Faith Leaders, Part 3: Let’s Talk about Safety

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NOTE: The following article is in no way meant to be a replacement for formal, in-person training on mental health first aid.

Welcome back to our Gatekeeping for Faith Leaders series! If for some reason you missed our first two installments, I highly encourage you to begin by reading Part 1, How do I know When to Refer Someone to Counseling, and Part 2, What is my Role after I Refer Someone to Counseling?

Do not be fooled by the order of these installments. Safety in crisis situations, despite it being the metaphorical caboose of this discussion, is probably the most important of the three topics. I intentionally left it for last to make sure that we had fully discussed the roles and relationships between the mental health and faith leader communities prior to discussing crisis situations. Why? Well, the last thing I want to happen to someone reading this article is for them to assume that we in the mental health field expect you to take on tasks for which you have not been trained or prepared.

So please, hear my plea and read installments 1 and 2 before delving into this topic of Safety.

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The Importance of Gatekeeping in a Crisis

A year or two into my counseling training, I was out of town visiting a small church, and a teenager came forward at the end of service for prayers. It was a Sunday night with sparse attendance. The usual prayer was said on his behalf before dismissal, and everyone went their separate ways. Within minutes, my father found me and asked me if I was comfortable talking to this young adult who had expressed some suicidal ideation, as there was no one else available trained on the topic.

First, I was floored. I was green to the counseling world and did not even have a degree in it yet, much less a license. Thankfully I had just recently completed my crisis counseling class and had role-played this scenario what felt like hundreds of times. I did have some experience working with teenagers with suicidal ideation in the inpatient hospital where I was currently employed, but all of these scenarios were under strict and appropriate supervision.

Surely I am not the only one here, I thought. This cannot be happening.

But my second train of thinking was, if not me, who?

It absolutely frightens me to think of how often this scenario could be happening in our churches. I praise God that this teen chose to share his thoughts in a safe space—that act of courage still brings tears to my eyes– but how safe was the space, really, if no one was trained in helping him seek further professional care?

Research on this topic concludes that gatekeeping training in religious settings is a very strong protective factor for suicidality, especially since many individuals speak with close friends and family prior to dying

by suicide. For many people, the church is an important line of defense. But faith leaders must know what to do [3,4,8].

Some things to consider:

When I spoke with this individual that evening, I did not pretend to be his therapist—that was not my role. I didn’t pretend to be his parent or guardian, either, but after chatting with him I made sure they were fully in the loop. I used skills that I had learned to assess the situation in the moment, decide how to address his current state, and ensure that follow-up care was obtained.

In a very serious case, follow-up care could have looked like calling a hotline with him, calling 911, or driving him to the emergency room. Thankfully the most appropriate steps for him were to be closely observed by a family member who would assist him with speaking to a professional immediately the next day.

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I was no hero that evening. I just happened to be someone who knew how to ask a few questions and take action according to the answers. Gatekeeping is just that: a way of leading someone to the next, most appropriate step. These scenarios can feel nerve-wracking, and in our fear and great care for someone we can often get caught up in details that keep us from being immediate in making sure the next connections to professional care are made.

Think of this role like being trained in CPR: you are on the scene until a professional arrives or the person can get to a professional with your help.

Whether you have been trained to respond or not, these scenarios will absolutely arise. And honestly, I hope that they do—because it is a fact that people are struggling with mental health concerns in droves–and I would rather the people in our church communities reach out to you than suffer in silence. When they reach out and you are trained in gatekeeping, then we can work together in our revolving-door fashion to help them.

When a person seeks crisis support from faith leaders, we know that they have a built-in system of support already, and a community willing to walk with them through it.

As mentioned above, this article is not a replacement for training, but instead a call to action for you to obtain crisis training in a manner that allows you the opportunity to ask pertinent questions and hopefully role-play scenarios you may encounter. If you or your congregation would be interested in receiving specific training on this topic from ChristianWorks, we encourage you to reach out to us.

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Here are some various resources for Mental Health First Aid training and/or Suicide Prevention Training:

Question. Persuade. Refer

www.QPRinstitute.com

Mental Health First Aid from the National Council for Wellbeing

https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/

Mental Health First Aid from Texas Health and Human Services

https://www.hhs.texas.gov/about/process-improvement/improving-services-texans/behavioral-health-services/mental-health-first-aid

Some of the things that you will learn in a Mental Health First Aid Training or Suicide Prevention Training are:

– Risk factors of suicidality

– Warning signs that a person may be thinking about suicide

– How to actively engage in conversation with a person you believe could be in danger to themself.

– What questions to ask and how to respond to the answers given

– How to “triage” the situation to guide the person toward immediate, most effective care for the situation

– How to enlist help from the individual’s support system

– What crisis resources exist in your area

Some quick tips that have helped me (I cannot stress enough that this is not a replacement for training): – If you are unsure of what to do or the situation feels out of control, call a 24/7 hotline or 911. I have used this rule of thumb both in the counseling room and as a layperson. Often an individual will not want to call on their own, but you can offer to do it for them and talk on speakerphone. This keeps you from operating in isolation to keep the person safe.

– Remember that you are the first line of defense, but not the last. You are not expected to do this singlehandedly. Just as if you were performing CPR compressions while waiting on medics, you are a critical part of care but are not expected to serve as the professional.

– Be proactive. Do not receive “I’ll call the hotline/my mom/my friend when I leave” as an acceptable answer. You will be staying with the person until they take the next step toward support or safety, whatever that step may be (full training will make sure you know what these steps are and how to assess the situation).

DFW Resources and Hotlines

National Suicide Hotline: 998

North Texas Hotline: 214-828-1000

DFPS Youth hotline: 1-800-989-6884 (call or text)

ADAPT 24/7 Mobile Crisis hotline: 866-260-8000

North Texas Behavioral Health Authority: 1-877-653-6363 or 1-214-366-9407

References:

1. American Psychiatric Association Foundation. (2018). Mental health: A guide for faith leaders.

2. American Psychiatric Association Foundation. (2018). Quick reference on Mental Health for faith leaders. Retrieved April 26, 2023, from https://www.psychiatry.org/File%20Library/Psychiatrists/Cultural-Competency/Mental_Health_Guide_Quick_Reference_Guide_2018.pdf

3. Bazley, R., Pakenham, K., & Watson, B. (2019). Perspectives on Suicide Prevention amongst members of Christian faith-based organizations. Community Mental Health Journal, 55(5), 831–839. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10597-018-0355-4

4. Bazley, R., Pakenham, K., & Watson, B. (2019, January 2). Perspectives on Suicide Prevention amongst members of Christian faith-based organizations – community mental health journal. SpringerLink. Retrieved April 25, 2023, from https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10597-018-0355-4

5. 5. Mental health first aid. Mental Health First Aid. (2023, March 28). Retrieved April 20, 2023, from https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/

6. Mental health first aid. Texas Health and Human Services. (n.d.). Retrieved April 25, 2023, from https://www.hhs.texas.gov/about/process-improvement/improving-services-texans/behavioral-health-services/mental-health-first-aid

7. QPR Institute . (n.d.). QPR Institute: Practical and proven suicide prevention training. QPR Institute Practical and Proven Suicide Prevention Training QPR Institute (en-US). Retrieved April 20, 2023, from http://www.QPRinstitute.com/

8. 8. Wood, D. S., Ohri, F., Hudnall, G., & Cahoon, L. (2022). Suicide gatekeeper training outcomes in educational and religious settings. Journal of Human Behavior in the Social Environment, 33(2), 225–231. https://doi.org/10.1080/10911359.2022.2049414

The Power of Family Play: Embrace the Great Outdoors Together!

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In this modern era filled with digital distractions and hectic schedules, it’s becoming increasingly important to find meaningful ways to connect with our loved ones. One such avenue is the timeless tradition of playing outside together as a family. Whether it’s exploring nature, engaging in sports, or simply enjoying quality time in the fresh air, outdoor activities offer a multitude of benefits that strengthen bonds and create lasting memories. In this blog, we’ll explore the significance of playing outside together and highlight why it’s essential for family well-being.

  1. Unplugging from Screens: In a world dominated by screens, encouraging outdoor play as a family allows everyone to unplug and take a break from technology. By stepping outside, we disconnect from the virtual realm and engage with the real world, fostering authentic connections and promoting healthier habits. Outdoor play provides an excellent opportunity to reconnect with nature and focus on what truly matters: the presence and interaction of our loved ones.
  2. Strengthening Bonds: Playing outside together as a family strengthens the bonds between family members. Shared activities such as hiking, biking, or playing sports foster teamwork, communication, and cooperation. These experiences create a sense of togetherness, allowing us to understand and appreciate each other’s strengths and weaknesses. By engaging in outdoor play, families develop trust, enhance problem-solving skills, and build a strong support system that extends beyond the activity itself.
  3. Physical and Mental Well-being: Outdoor play offers numerous physical and mental health benefits. Being active outside as a family promotes cardiovascular fitness, improves coordination, and builds stronger muscles and bones. Regular physical activity lowers the risk of obesity, diabetes, and other lifestyle-related diseases, ensuring a healthier future for the entire family. Additionally, exposure to natural sunlight enhances vitamin D production, which is vital for bone health and overall well-being.

Moreover, outdoor play positively impacts mental health. It reduces stress, anxiety, and depression, boosting mood and promoting a sense of happiness. Being in nature provides a serene and calming environment that allows families to rejuvenate and recharge. The natural setting encourages exploration, creativity, and imaginative play, stimulating cognitive development and fostering a sense of wonder in children and adults alike.

  1. Learning and Discovery: Playing outside as a family offers abundant opportunities for learning and discovery. Nature is a vast classroom brimming with lessons waiting to be learned. From identifying different plant and animal species to understanding the importance of environmental conservation, outdoor play ignites curiosity, nurtures a love for the natural world, and enhances our understanding of the interconnectedness of all living things. By exploring together, families embark on a continuous educational journey, nurturing a sense of wonder and appreciation for the world around them.
  2. Creating Lasting Memories: Engaging in outdoor activities as a family creates lasting memories that will be cherished for a lifetime. The shared experiences, laughter, and adventures become the fabric of our family narratives. Whether it’s a weekend hike in the mountains, building sandcastles on the beach, or playing a friendly game of soccer in the park, these moments strengthen the family bond and serve as anchors that connect us to one another. The memories formed during outdoor play become a source of joy and nostalgia, weaving a tapestry of love and togetherness.

Playing outside together as a family is more than just a recreational activity; it’s an investment in the well-being of our loved ones. By embracing the great outdoors, we unplug from screens, strengthen our bonds, promote physical and mental health, encourage learning, and create priceless memories. So, let’s step outside, breathe in the fresh air, and embark on a journey of shared experiences that will shape and enrich our family’s story for years to come.

Click here to download our FAMILY FUN SUMMER OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES sheet

A Time to Weep

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“Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.” Romans 12:15 NIV

When I was a little girl, I would go to slumber parties. These parties were filled with laughter, silliness, and watching a movie. However, there was one movie, The Neverending Story, that always made me cry. It had a scene with the death of an animal, and I really cared about animals. Every time I would watch that scene, even though I knew the end of the movie, streaks of tears would fall down my face. One night, as we watched it, I could feel myself on the verge of tears; but that night I made the decision that I was done with crying and feeling sad. As the movie played, I held it together and forced myself to watch that scene with a dry face. Even with all my friends crying in the room, I remained stoically dry-eyed. Afterward, I felt a powerful feeling that I liked. I didn’t know it at the time, but, now, I would call that feeling pride.

Back then, I felt like I had stumbled upon a genius new strategy, and, so, my journey into avoidance began. I wouldn’t let things affect me like I had allowed them to affect me before. It seemed to work—too well. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I slowly began to go numb. As I numbed myself to sadness, I also numbed myself to delight. It was many years later when I realized I had made a mistake, and I had to learn to let my heart be moved again. Over time, I did, and I am blessed to say that when my father died in 2017, I was able to weep and weep with others.

Now as I reflect back on his death, I can remember the sadness and deep pain, but I also remember the love and support of those who empathized with me. Even in the exquisite pain of my grief, I wasn’t alone. Because I could weep with those who were safe, I was comforted.

At GriefWorks, we hope to provide a safe place for families to share and be comforted during their time of grief.

What is Grief?

Grief is our response to loss. This response may be physical, emotional, cognitive, behavioral, and/or spiritual. Grieving is usually a unique combination of these responses for each person.

Physical reactions to grief may include:

  • Sleep disturbances
  • Headaches/Stomachaches
  • Dizziness
  • Exhaustion
  • Digestive difficulties
  • Muscular aches
  • Changes in appetite

 

Emotional reactions to grief may include:

  • Yearning
  • Guilt and self-blame
  • Anger
  • Helplessness
  • Fear
  • Anxiety
  • Sadness
  • Withdrawn/Apathy
  • Appreciation/Relief

 

Cognitive reactions to grief can include:

  • Forgetfulness
  • Disbelief/Denial
  • Easily overwhelmed
  • Obsession w/deceased
  • Confusion
  • Loss of focus
  • Magical thinking (I made it happen)

 

Behavioral reactions to grief can include:

  • Aggressive behaviors/irritability/tension
  • Crying
  • Withdrawal
  • Hyperactivity
  • Avoiding reminders
  • Seeking reminders
  • Diminished/Increased performance at work/school

 

Spiritual reactions to grief can include:

  • Anger at God
  • Strengthening of faith
  • Search for meaning
  • Questioning faith/values

 

Source: Grief Counseling Resource Guide: A field manual.

 

Children and Grief

Grief is universal, and children grieve. If a child can respond to separation, then he/she has the capacity to grieve. While there can be some similarities between how adults and children grieve, there are also some distinctions. For example, the age and development of the child can affect how they understand death.

Pre-schoolers/young children: Children between the ages of 2-4 typically understand death to be temporary and reversible. You may hear questions like, “When will mom come back?” even after you’ve explained death to the child. It is also very common for grieving children this age to demonstrate major regression to an earlier developmental stage (toilet-training, language, and/or clinging behavior).

School-age: A child between the ages of 5-8 is more prone to guilt and magical thinking. You may hear comments like “It’s my fault this happened.” Children this age may also think of death as a person (the boogeyman), and their dreams and fears may reflect this. A child between the ages of 9-12 is beginning to understand the permanency of death like an adult, but he/she may want more details of what happened. You may hear questions like, “What happened to Grandpa? And then what?” Children this age are also prone to somaticizing grief, which means grief may be expressed in their body; for example, they may complain of more headaches and stomachaches. They may also revert to more clinging behavior and/or experience anger outbursts.

 

Adolescents: Teens between the ages of 13-18 tend to understand death to be permanent and universal. They understand that death can happen to you and me.  After a death, teens may feel a desire to connect with family and a desire to continue exploring independence, which can lead to friction within families. Teens may also develop their own opinions and views about morality, the world, and their role that may or may not differ from those of their family and the person who died.

Source: (https://hospicefoundation.org/Professionals/Experts-Talk-EOL-Care/Interview-with-Dr-J-William-Worden)

When to Ask for Help?

Here are some signs to watch out for:

  • If a child cannot speak about the person who died ever, or he/she leaves the room when the person’s name is mentioned;
  • A child whose aggression becomes destructive, especially if this is new or unusual behavior;
  • A child who develops persisting anxiety
  • Any expression of suicidal ideation
  • Substance abuse

 

Source: https://hospicefoundation.org/Professionals/Experts-Talk-EOL-Care/Interview-with-Dr-J-William-Worden

 

How to Help Grieving Children:

 

 “With support and understanding, bereaved children usually learn early in life that human beings cannot have complete control over themselves and their world. They learn that faith and hope are central to finding meaning in whatever one does in this short life. They learn a true appreciation for life and what it has to offer…”

“… They learn to look for the goodness in others. They learn an empathetic appreciation for the suffering of others. And perhaps most of all, they learn to meet not only their own needs, but to help others meet theirs.” –  Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D, Companioning the Grieving Child: A Soulful Guide for Caregivers, 2012.   Dr. Wolfelt is the director of Center for Loss and Life Transition, Fort Collins, Colorado  (www.centerforloss.com)

 

Some tips for parents and caregivers:

  • One of the strongest predictors of how well a child will function is how well his/her parent is functioning after a death (https://hospicefoundation.org/Professionals/Experts-Talk-EOL-Care/Interview-with-Dr-J-William-Worden). If you need additional support, please ask for help. This also models for children that it’s okay to ask for help, which is one of the most important coping tools we can teach.
  • Use clear explanations of death and dying, without euphemisms, such as “lost,” “passed away,” or “sleeping,” etc. Use the words dead, died, death, and dying.
  • Let the child choose if they would like to participate in the funeral and burial rituals. If they do, prepare the child by explaining what to expect, including what they will see at the funeral. For example, they may see photos, the coffin, adults who are crying, etc.
  • Allow and encourage the child to retain his/her rightful place in the family as a child.
  • Accept a child’s expression of feelings and continue with appropriate boundaries for behaviors.
  • Keep routines and structure in the child’s life as near to normal as possible. The rules for conduct should stay the same.
  • Children need outlets to release their energy. It’s important to recognize that children share equally through their play. Pay attention to their behaviors and play.
  • Understand that grief may vary, even within a family. Remember, grief is unique for each person. One child may express a lot of emotions. Another child may want to do things in memory of the person who died.
  • Become a listener.
  • Know that you will not have all the answers, and “I don’t know. What do you think?” is an honest and powerful response. Listening to their answer will help you know how to respond and what information they may need.
  • Communicate with the people in the child’s life (teachers, coaches, etc.) because they can be part of the support system.
  • Allow for remembering and memorializing the person who died. Memories are important and powerful. Please don’t avoid them.
  • Remind the child that they show courage when they grieve.

 

GriefWorks

“I think when you care for someone who is going through this terrible process of losing someone, it really is more about listening to them and seeing where they’re at in their learning than it is about trying to make them feel better. The point is not to cheer them up. The point is to be with them and let them know that you will be with them and that you can imagine a future for them where they’re not constantly being knocked over by the waves of grief.”  Mary-Frances O’Connor

https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2021/12/20/1056741090/grief-loss-holiday-brain-healing

 

Sometimes we need more than what our friends and family can provide. The purpose of GriefWorks is to provide a safe and supportive environment for children ages 5-17 and their adult family members who are grieving the death of a family member or friend.

Our groups can provide a sense of community to counter the sense of isolation so many people experience while grieving.  Being with others can also help normalize the grief experience by allowing family members to observe a wide range of grief expressions and coping styles. Our groups also address issues for children and teens at their developmental phase of life, while also providing support and education for parents and caregivers.

These groups offer a setting where coping skills can be observed and learned for present and future application. Group members often find that coping skills that are taught or modeled in our support groups apply to other situations in their lives at home, school, or in the community.

ChristianWorks

We hope that along the grief journey, individuals and families see a diminishing in the intensity of their grief, that they begin to function as well as they did prior to the loss using healthy coping skills, and that they understand their grief will continue and evolve as they go throughout their lives.

 

Final Note: In response to the mass shooting at the Allen Outlet Mall ChristianWorks, in partnership with KLTY 94.9 and a few donors, has created a fund to provide FREE counseling to families and first responders from this tragic event. Please contact our offices to speak to our counseling coordinator today at (800) 375-2229