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Encouraging Self-Care for Teachers May be More Condescending than it is Helpful

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Encouraging Self-Care for Teachers May be More Condescending than it is Helpful

I quite literally grew up in schools. My dad was an educator and the sole breadwinner for our family. My earliest memories of his work include riding in his driver’s education vehicle, visiting him at his baseball practices, and meeting some of his students in the portable where he taught Mississippi history.

Later when he was an administrator, many of my summer days and after-school hours were spent roaming halls of empty buildings with teachers’ kids, helping file papers in the front office, and organizing textbooks in smelly, dark rooms tucked behind the gym locker rooms.

You could say that it is unsurprising that my family was a huge proponent of public-school education. We were people who viewed education as not only a career that serves and enriches ones’ community, but allows a person to balance family-rearing and work in a healthy, functional way.

And yet, I myself lasted less than three years as an educator in the public school system.

While my reasons for leaving the teaching profession were varied and personal, I am certainly not the only individual with a similar story.

Even prior to the COVID-19 pandemic, the teaching profession in the United States was facing a potential mass exodus. In 2019, the 51st annual PDK poll (Public’s Attitudes Toward Public Schools), identified that “half of public-school teachers have seriously considered leaving the profession in recent years” (PDK poll).

Current Texas statistics are not any more encouraging. A survey conducted this February by the Texas American Federation of Teachers estimates that 66% of Texas educators have recently considered resigning [4].

It does not take a researcher to identify the obvious host of reasons for such sentiments to exist. Teachers who have resigned identify reasons such as burnout, “unfair” pay and long hours, lack of material and professional support, feeling undervalued, and experiencing high stress [1].

The feelings of being undervalued tend to be the presiding concern for educational researcher Doris Santoro, who studies what she calls “demoralization” of teachers.

Santoro distinguishes “demoralization” from “burnout” as such:

“Burnout suggests that a teacher has nothing more to give. However, teachers whom I would characterize as demoralized were most frustrated because they could not teach the way they believed was right” [8].

Teachers who are demoralized have a desire to teach in a way that they believe to be good, ethical work. Yet, their priorities become split when they are overworked with tasks not pertinent to what they believe enriches their classroom experience. These barriers to teaching can often lead to feeling stuck and undervalued.

What do our teachers need?

I was recently contemplating the difficult experiences that educators face, and wondered to myself how we as mental health professionals can encourage them. Could we maybe teach some self-care practices, I wondered? Maybe I’ll do a little back-to-school blog on it.

Then it occurred to me. More like, it hit me like a ton of bricks as I hovered over my keyboard:

For someone feeling demoralized, overworked, and stuck, being preached to about self-care might actually feel incredibly condescending.

I wanted to know if my hunch was correct.

Since I am not a trained research professional, I did the next best thing and asked my educator friends to respond to the following scenario:

“Administration encourages you to participate in self-care to offset school stress”

The responses were even more consistent than I expected.

“I roll my eyes.”

“When? I spend all my time at home doing work, too.”

“When they continue to pile work, assignments, and expectations that cannot be accomplished during our prescribed work hours, what else can we do except stay late to work on it, take it home to complete it, or not do it at all and worry and stress about the repercussions?”

“Give us the time to do [self-care].”

“Patronizing.”

“Definitely contradictory! Usually, the stress comes from an overload of responsibilities.”

“I roll my eyes until I see action on their behalf suggesting they actually care.”

One of these individuals further shared that, in only the second week of the school year, they currently have extra school meetings during every planning period and after school every day of the week except Fridays. Maybe I am naïve, but a schedule like that does not seem to lend toward self-care, or even student care. When does this teacher find time to tackle the regular, daily tasks of teaching?

In my readings about the nationwide concern of teacher frustrations, I ran across a few other expressive ways to describe what it feels like to be told to practice self-care in the midst of feeling demoralized.

One teacher described the advice with the age-old metaphor of a “Band-Aid” on a gaping wound [2].

Another stated,

“I feel like I’m drowning, and they throw you a rubber ducky. Rubber duckies are cute and all, but I’m not in a position to take it [because] I’m literally drowning” [2].

So essentially my hunch was correct. Teachers who feel demoralized will laugh in the face of recommendations to simply “take better care of themselves” as means to managing work stress.

It is incredibly patronizing and hurtful to suggest that teachers’ personal emotional management can fix their overload of external stressors. It is like saying, “This isn’t too much to accomplish; you just aren’t doing it right.” When in reality, the workload is out of control.

I am fearful that we are on the brink of losing the heart and soul of public education

Y’all, I know a lot of educators. A whole lot.

And let me tell you, the educators I know are exceptional people who entered the field for reasons that align closely with their morals and passion to do good work for children. The responses from these upstanding individuals were very congruent with Santoro’s assertion that those seeking to do ethically well are the exact people in the education field who are feeling demoralized. They are the ones who no longer feel as if their work is good in the way that they want it to be. They feel that the way they know they can teach is stifled by policy and non-pertinent tasks to their central job of teaching.

The National Educator’s Association was blunt about this problem in a recent article:

To avoid a “Great Resignation,” districts need to make substantive changes to reduce stress and improve morale in schools. “Educators don’t need any more chair massages or Casual Fridays,” says one expert. “This is about support and autonomy” [10].

Teachers don’t need superficial, obligatory remarks about how they should take care of themselves. Goodness knows they especially do not need to be spending precious daylight hours sitting through mandatory workshops about self-care and stress management.

Teachers are telling us what they need: Time and space to hone their crafts in a way that benefits students.

Consider this: If the teachers craving to participate in good, ethical work leave the profession due to demoralization, what kind of educators do we have left?

Teachers need change. They need support from the community, policymakers, and institutions.

So what do we do?

Of course, I had to consult with my Dad on this one, who has witnessed education policy trends firsthand for over 40 years and currently works in a capacity mentoring administrators.

In short, Dad suggested that the bulk of frustrating, non-didactic tasks for teachers “coming down the pipeline” were decided much further up the ladder than the school administrator. However, these policies place admins in a position to deliver news that may make themselves feel demoralized.

His suggestions to administrators are to provide practical ways to lessen teachers’ loads. Many new tasks and expectations are unavoidable. But it is easy to say things like “here is a new item for your agenda. But I will never add something to your plate without taking something else off.” But of course, admins must FOLLOW THROUGH with that statement. Next time the district requires a fancy new task for teachers to complete, he recommends that an admin allow those teachers to turn in less-specific lesson plans moving forward, or allow them to use a professional development day to actually complete classroom work instead of attending full days of irrelevant trainings.

Administrators can use empathy and intentionality to actually, tangibly lessen the loads for teachers to the best of their ability.

Other experts suggest offering ways to let teachers get involved with brainstorming solutions to problems. Admins can be the advocates for these ideas to the district superintendents and school boards.

Public school education is not a lost cause if there is community support for the passionate men and women who desperately want to use their creativity and God-given talents to teach effectively and passionately.

Does this have you heartbroken? Find a way to serve.

 

I usually end such writings with a series of ways to solve some highlighted concerns. But to be honest, this particular topic has me feeling fairly discouraged myself.

I don’t have any sweeping, generalized answers for how to solve the Texas teacher shortage, demoralization, or mass exit of seasoned educators.

But what I do know is that all of us know a teacher who is feeling demoralized, whether they have spoken about it or not. And it is August. So here are a few tiny ways to support the teachers in your life during a hectic and exhausting time of year.

  • Have a coffee delivered to them at school if their campus allows deliveries (Because goodness knows they aren’t able to leave their campus to pick it up themselves).
  • Choose one of their Amazon Wishlists to purchase items from. Many teachers spend hundreds of dollars a year buying supplies for their classrooms and students
  • Make double of your dinner one night and drop it off for a family of educators. Better yet, make a couple of meals for them that they can freeze and have on hand.
  • Give them a gift certificate to have their house or car cleaned
  • Offer to help with menial classroom tasks before school starts or on the weekends (like completing bulletin boards, stapling worksheet packets, cleaning out a classroom closet, etc)
  • Pray with them and for them.
  • Whatever you do, do NOT offhandedly and vaguely suggest they increase their self-care unless you are willing to take something off of their plate so that they are able to have a moment to themselves.

 

References:

1. 51st Annual PDK Poll of the Public’s Attitudes Toward the Public Schools. (2019, September). Retrieved August 8, 2022, from https://pdkpoll.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/pdkpoll51-2019.pdf

2. Klein, A. (2022, March 1). Superficial self-care? stressed-out teachers say no thanks. Education Week. Retrieved August 8, 2022, from https://www.edweek.org/teaching-learning/superficial-self-care-stressed-out-teachers-say-no-thanks/2022/03

3. Lopez, B. (2022, July 19). Rural Texas districts struggling to attract teachers are switching to four-day school weeks. The Texas Tribune. Retrieved August 15, 2022, from https://www.texastribune.org/2022/07/19/texas-schools-four-day-weeks/

4. Lopez, B. (2022, July 25). It’s not just covid-19: Why Texas faces a teacher shortage. The Texas Tribune. Retrieved August 8, 2022, from https://www.texastribune.org/2022/07/25/texas-teacher-shortage/

5. Ozamiz-Etxebarria, N., Idoiaga Mondragon, N., Bueno-Notivol, J., Pérez-Moreno, M., & Santabárbara, J. (2021). Prevalence of anxiety, depression, and stress among teachers during the COVID-19 pandemic: A rapid systematic review with meta-analysis. Brain Sciences, 11(9), 1172. https://doi.org/10.3390/brainsci11091172

6. Potash, B. (2021, December 29). What we can do about teacher demoralization. Spark Creativity. Retrieved August 8, 2022, from https://nowsparkcreativity.com/2021/12/143-what-we-can-do-about-teacher-demoralization-with-doris-santoro.html

7. Santoro, D. A. (2018). Demoralized: Why teachers leave the profession they love and How they can stay. Harvard Education Press.

8. Santoro, D. A. (2019, November 25). The problem with stories about teacher ‘Burnout’. kappanonline.org. Retrieved August 15, 2022, from https://kappanonline.org/teacher-burnout-stories-moral-objections-santoro/

9. Stieber, D. (2022, February 14). America’s teachers aren’t burned out. we are demoralized. – edsurge news. EdSurge. Retrieved August 8, 2022, from https://www.edsurge.com/news/2022-02-14-america-s-teachers-aren-t-burned-out-we-are-demoralized

10. Walker, T. (2021, November 12). Getting serious about teacher Burnout. NEA. Retrieved August 7, 2022, from https://www.nea.org/advocating-for-change/new-from-nea/getting-serious-about-teacher-burnout

Surviving the “End-of-Summer Scaries”

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The end of July is an all-around emotional battleground. Let’s be honest—no one in the vicinity of school-aged children feels fully back to baseline until almost October.

Many parents eagerly await a semblance of routine to re-enter their homes with the start of school. They are in survival mode. Things like popsicles for breakfast and screentime marathons have taken the place of well-laid summer plans and activities. There are household mutinies and fist-fights on the trampoline, and half the family budget just went out the window for markers and new shoes.

The adults may just feel like they have lost all sense of mental fortitude.

For the children in these scenarios, the big bursts of behaviors can often be related to conflicting emotions about the upcoming changing of routines and uncharted territories of a new school year. They have had sweet tastes of freedom for two months, and the realities of that abruptly ending are becoming evident.

Children who thrive in routine are hitting their limit of the free-range nature of summer, while those who thrive in less structure are contemplating their impending doom of academia.

And should we mention the heat? Being trapped inside at this time of year for sheer survival is almost torturous. Even from the comfort of the A/C, the extreme temps we are currently facing can absolutely contribute to mood changes.

Research of what scientists and psychologists have deemed the “heat hypothesis” suggests that violence and aggression are heightened during the summer months, particularly during heat waves. One could say we are all, quite literally, “losing our cool” [1, 2, 3].

But for whatever reason this phenomenon of pre-school-year-chaos exists, one thing that I have noticed in my roles as an educator and mental health counselor, is this: During this time of year, parents truly set the tone.

I understand that it is incredibly difficult to keep that tone a pleasing one. Hopefully, the following considerations can be used as an empowering set of ideas to foster intentionality and family connection during the raging stage of Summer Scaries.

Suggestions for Surviving the End-of-Summer Scaries

1. Speak as if your children hear what you say about them. (Because they often do). Imagine: If all you ever heard your spouse say on the weekend was how ready they are for you to return to work on Monday, how would you feel?

It is absolutely okay to be MORE THAN READY for school to begin. But be mindful of how often, and in what context, you are expressing this in front of your children. Remember to also remind your children what you enjoy about them and the things you have done over the summer that showed you positive things about their character.

2. Remember that your brain is the most developed one in the house. You are the calm in the storm for this time of transition. It can be easy to get drawn in to the general pandemonium of emotions pouring from your children. But you, my friend, have a fully-developed frontal lobe and are in a position to better manage the situation for yourself. Take a moment to call another adult or spend some time with a friend.

3. It is okay to have your own emotions this time of year. Model healthy ways of managing them. Take breaks when you need to. Step outside or use your children’s independent play time to focus on one of your own interests.

4. Allow for household flexibility where you can. What are some typical guidelines that can be lightened to avoid power struggles? Of course, you can still have the same expectations for your kids; your family values and basic rules should remain the same. But maybe you allow some food on the carpet for a special night or declare a “no chores day!”

This is the time of year when “choosing your battles” is of great importance.

5. Your children may not openly discuss how they are feeling. It can sometimes be observed in changes in mood, behavior, or social interactions. Younger children especially will process their emotions through play. Sometimes kids might not even understand that their emotions are related to upcoming changes—it could be that they are simply noting the overall tension of the household as preparations ensue, and responding accordingly to the level of stress that is present.

6. Your quiet, calm-mannered child is probably feeling big things, too. Find some one-on-one time with them. Instead of pressuring them to talk, simply offer the space if they need it while you participate in one of their chosen activities with them. Connection with you can help regulate emotions.

7. Find small ways for each child to feel autonomous in decision-making about the upcoming year. This can be as easy as choosing their backpack or helping you make a list of lunches they’d enjoy having packed.

8. Calmly talk through the logistics of your new upcoming schedules so that your kids are not surprised on their first day of a new routine. Let them visit the campus, if allowed, of any new schools or locations they may be attending.

9. Set lowwwwwwww expectations for extra-curricular activities the first week of school.

I am talking lower than low here. Allow for resting and free play in the evenings. No one should be overextending themselves outside of the school day. On Friday night, have a family movie night or order pizza. Let everyone air out their emotions and exhaustion in their own particular fashion. Learning new routines and socializing in settings with new kids and new expectations is difficult for children, and you will inevitably be feeling that underlying tension as well. Allow the household to simply focus on feeling comfortable in their new changes over that first week and weekend.

Extra Family Challenge:

Find time to have a “last blast of summer” for the whole family. This can get both adults and kids out of the end-of-summer funk. Do something local, keep it simple, and choose an activity that is out of the ordinary or a tried-and-true family favorite for a last chance to spend extra time together.

We know you are all tired. Your kids know that you are tired. Structure is on the way, I promise. But these last few weeks and days are prime opportunities to remind your child of your family values and create memories together. Hang in there, mom and dad. October is coming.

References:

1. Anderson, C. A. (2001). Heat and Violence. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 10(1), 22–28. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-8721.ep11512432

2. Anderson, C. A., Anderson, K. B., Dorr, N., DeNeve, K. M., & Flanagan, M. (2004, December 13). Temperature and aggression. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology. Retrieved August 3, 2022, from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0065260100800040

3. Eisenbud, D. K. (2017, April 15). Analysis: The ‘heat hypothesis’ and spikes in terror and war. The Jerusalem Post | JPost.com. Retrieved August 1, 2022, from https://www.jpost.com/israel-news/analysis-the-heat-hypothesis-and-spikes-in-terror-and-war-488870

The Magic of Boredom Part 2: How to Foster “Boredom With a Purpose” for Your Family

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We recently discussed the often-untapped magic of boredom, especially for children. We know that time for self-directed play increases emotional regulation, executive function, and physical literacy in children.

(read Part 1 here if you missed it)!

But if you are anything like me, you crave some practical application of all the evidence-based information out there about topics such as this.

I have compiled a few quick tips below to help us as parents foster the experience of boredom.

Remember that boredom, while temporarily uncomfortable, is not inherently negative

Boredom itself is not a bad thing. What if we chose to view it as an opportunity instead of a bother? It is an opportunity for your child to practice self-guided decision-making, emotional regulation, and creativity. What a joy! Well, your child may not see it that way—but you as a parent can help them by easing them into curing their own boredom without doing the work for them.

But firstly, is boredom really what your child is experiencing? Or could they be hungry, seeking connection, satiating curiosity about what you are doing, or experiencing another emotion that they are trying to avoid?

Modeling emotional language in your house and helping your children know how to recognize and voice emotions can help them (and you!) rule out something that could be going on other than boredom.

And if they really are hungry, give that child a snack! Better yet, have a stock of “mom-approved snacks” they can choose from at any time to build further autonomy and confidence in decision-making.

Before the boredom hits, prepare for it.

Consider making a list with your child of the things they most like to do (not including screen time). When they express boredom, direct them to the list. Remember to validate that they are capable of making fun and creative choices for themselves, and that you have every confidence that they can find something to do. Sometimes kids are so used to having their days structured by their teacher or other adults that boredom can feel overwhelming. Giving them the reigns to work through the boredom teaches them more skills than you simply creating a new activity for them each time they are bored.

https://pathways.org/independent-play/

Spend time playing with your child, and let them take the lead.

This will prepare your child to feel more confident in choosing their independent play activities in the future.

After all, your child should not be engaging in independent play all the time. Connection with YOU and other family members is still a vital part of their day and development. From a young age, take time to play with your child in a way in which they are able to “take the lead.” Join them in imaginary play. Let it be open-ended. The more actively and excitedly you join them in this pursuit, the more likely they are to approach independent play time with confidence in the future, because you have modeled for them that it is okay to play with imagination and freedom. They learn that playing without an adult-lead purpose is not only okay, but encouraged in your house.

Through these play times, you are silently communicating to your child that:

  1.  You delight in them
  2.  Their play is important
  3.  They have good ideas and are imaginative
  4.  They are capable and confident

Play therapy professionals who utilize CPRT (Child-Parent Relational Therapy), also known as Filial Therapy, suggest that as little as 30 minutes a week of this type of “special play time” with your child can make a significant difference in your relationship with them and their confidence in their own play.

If you would like to have more in-depth training in how to provide this kind of time with your child, what toys to have available, and how to best respond to them in a nurturing way during playtime, ask a play therapist for information about CPRT!

https://pcsintensive.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Special-time-enough.pdf

https://cdn.ymaws.com/www.a4pt.org/resource/resmgr/telehealth/8_-_CPRT_Pages_from_Treatmen.pdf

How much Independent Play Time (IPT) is appropriate for my child, anyway?

The short answer to this question is that every child is different. It is also important to remember that “independent play” does not necessarily mean that your child is playing alone. In fact—babies and toddlers absolutely should NOT be left alone. Until a child is almost 2 years old, IPT time is still under supervision of an adult in the same room or sitting beside them depending on age. The time is “independent” because you are not leading the activity or guiding the play.

For example, my 9-month-old usually participates in some self-directed play time in her playpen in the mornings while I do some cleaning or fold laundry in the same room with her. Sometimes she is able to attend to herself for upwards of 20 minutes, and other times she seeks connection with me after 5 minutes. That connection could range from exchanging smiles with each other to me moving into the play area with her, to her needing snuggles or increased nearness. She is able to feel safe and connected while still learning to self-direct her play time in these ways.

This is a skill that can continue to be built upon as time goes on and her development continues.

Consider for yourself:

How old is your child?

How structured is their regular environment outside of home—is it difficult for them to “switch on and off” their ability to participate in self-directed activities?

Does your child have a diagnosis of anxiety, ADHD, or depression?

What is the birth order of your child in question (oldest, youngest, middle, etc)?

All of these factors are important to consider in regard to how much independent play time is appropriate for your child. BabyWise, one of many different parenting programs that has spent its own time in and out of the parenting spotlight, has some tips and guidelines for this topic. But with any guideline, remember that you are the one that knows your child best. It is okay to “follow your gut” and ease yourself and your child into IPT. It is also important to learn how to identify the fine line between boredom and emotional distress for your children, especially younger ones. Consistent, forced IPT when a child is seeking connection with a caregiver can be detrimental to attachment.

Remember that you can also provide some connection without structuring their play for them! No chart or recommendation should EVER be a replacement for your personal understanding of your child’s needs—even when you are helping them practice self-directed play.

https://babywise.life/blogs/momtalk/independent-play-time-how-to-get-started

https://www.babywisemom.com/independent-playtime-lengths/

Introduce Independent Play Time in small increments.

It is suggested that school-aged children have 1-2 hours of independent playtime per day (see links above). But for children who are not accustomed to it, this can feel like an eternity.

Begin by introducing IPT in small increments, and with a mind for developmental appropriateness. Even school-aged children may feel more comfortable with you nearby during their self-directed play to begin. Maybe you read a book on the back patio while they play in the yard. Some encouraging smiles, waves, or even light conversation from you can support them in their play without you structuring it for them.

It can also be helpful to offer IPT after a particularly structured activity to allow them freedom of movement, exploration, and activity. Directly after school is a fantastic option!

For children who thrive in structure, make IPT (Independent play time) part of the expected routine.

For a child with anxiety and/or ADHD, or who simply could feel overwhelmed by this new addition to their day, maybe make IPT the same time every day, or make sure everyone in the house has IPT at the same time (this gives parents a little break to complete some tasks, too!)

Always remember to remind your child that they are capable of self-direction, and that you believe in their ability to guide their own play. You can encourage them with phrases such as:

“I am confident that you can find something fun to do. I love your imagination and creativity!”

“I enjoy seeing you excited when you do the things you love!”

“It is hard to feel bored sometimes. I bet it won’t take you long to find something fun to do.”

“Let’s look at your list of fun things! You can choose one of these or think of a new one! I love your growing brain and imagination.”

https://www.parentingwithfocus.org/post/why-your-child-needs-1-2-hours-of-independent-unstructured-play-every-day

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2019/06/20/kids-anxiety-can-spike-during-summer-heres-why-what-parents-can-do-help/

Especially during school breaks and summer months, avoid over-planning your child’s free time.

Avoid too many structured activities for kids during summer months. Free play is vital for growing self-expression and developmental skills that are more difficult to foster during the structured weeks of the school year.

Some parents find themselves over-planning to save their children (or themselves) from their child’s boredom. Try to find a balance between a healthy, semi-structured routine with ample time for kids to explore their own interests, creativities, and environments.

Be careful not to overschedule your child’s boredom time (or IPT) for your own devices.

This is such an easy trap to fall into! IPT does not need to be the bulk of your day. While a developmentally appropriate amount of independent playtime is helpful for parents to complete some tasks, family, peer, community, and parent-child interactions are not to be cast by the wayside.

Get Outside!

Honestly, this is my most simple and favorite parenting tip of all time that I have received, and it is one of my weekly goals for my little girl. Even when the heat index is 110 here in Dallas (like it is today,) we try to find just a couple of minutes to go outside to water the hydrangeas, look for our friends Mr. Lizard or Mama Cardinal (and peek at her babies), or pick a ripe tomato to bring inside (that Dad grows; we just do the harvesting).

Other times, we find ways for IPT to be outside, like on a blanket or in a kiddie pool, and she is able to explore her natural environment with supervision.

Just these simple, tiny activities that take about a total of 3 minutes increase her language development, expose her to sunshine and fresh air that benefit her in several different physical ways, and lower future

predictions for mental health concerns. It also instills the idea that exploration and self-direction is encouraged in our home.

For a couple of blogs from our archive about the benefits of being outside for children and adults alike, read Wilderness Therapy and 1000 Hours of Wonder. I also recommend the following resources to help you and your children find ways to explore your own backyard (literally!).

www.1000hoursoutside.com

Last Child in the Woods: book by Richard Louv

https://www.childrenandnature.org/

“Kids are born scientists. They’re born probing the natural world that surrounds them. They’ll lift up a rock. They’ll pick up a bug. They’ll pull petals off of a flower. They’ll ask you why the grass is green and the sky is blue, and they’ll experiment with breakable things inside your house. I think the best thing a parent can do, when raising a child, is simply get out of their way…Exploration can become a fundamental part of what a growing child requires to become a thinking member of society.”

Neil Degrasse Tyson