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A Discussion on Grief, Part 2: Talking to my friends about their loss

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“Grief has no distance. Grief comes in waves, paroxysms, sudden apprehensions that weaken the knees and blind the eyes and obliterate the dailiness of life.”

– Joan Didion, after the sudden death of her husband

 

In a previous article, we highlighted the nature of grief: how it is uniquely personal and presents itself differently in various seasons of life and circumstances. Read it here!

But for this discussion, we will focus on those who are comforting and supporting someone in grief.

It can be incredibly difficult to know how to respond to someone who is grieving. Many people find themselves stumbling for words, completely unsure of what to say.

It is almost like we suddenly lose all social faculties when interacting with someone in grief. Maybe it is an understandable fear of further wounding someone with careless words, or maybe it is simple naivete. But most of us stumble through conversation, shuffle our feet, and even sometimes treat our friend as a new stranger—as if their grief experience transformed them into a person unrecognizable altogether.

What do I say or not say?

What do I do? How can I make it better?

Sometimes, a person’s grief might not even look like grief at all. What then?

Thankfully there are a growing number of resources available on supporting someone through grief (see the end of our the previous article for a list of local resources).

And while there may not be a “one size fits all method” for having a conversation with someone grieving, there are still plenty of basic tips that grief support professionals agree are important to keep in mind.

 

How to support a grieving friend:
What do I say or not say?

Know that nothing you can ever say will heal a person’s grief. Grief is not something to be fixed or to be cured. Instead, the person grieving needs support and space to experience grief in the way that best allows them to do so. Words should convey this support and understanding that you respect a person’s unique grief journey.

The following links have some fantastic ideas for how to use your words carefully and intentionally. I would suggest becoming familiar with them to see what feels natural to you for who you are as a friend and a support. I do caution against finding something to say “just to say it.” Most people can sense if you are simply speaking in platitudes or speaking with genuine care and concern.

https://mygriefandloss.org/what-to-say-to-someone-grieving

https://mygriefandloss.org/what-not-to-say-to-someone-whos-grieving

Remember that you are not in charge of “fixing” someone’s grief.

It may seem like I am repeating myself here, but this point is important enough that it cannot be overstated.

I think it is natural for any of us to feel as though we must rescue the people we care about from their strong emotional experiences. In fact, it is one of the first impulses to overcome when becoming a therapist; in graduate school, we actually practice allowing someone to sit in their emotions that they have been avoiding or ignoring to then be able to help them heal through them.

So I get it; watching someone we care about experience emotional pain may be difficult. Remember that you can journey alongside them, but you cannot remove it from them.

This mindset will assist you in finding a needed balance of “present but not pestering.”

Hold space for “griefbursts.”

“Griefbursts” are one of my favorite things that the GriefWorks (at ChristianWorks) program discusses with children and adults alike. They can be defined as sudden “bursts” of emotion related to grief.

Griefbursts can look different for everyone, but a common marker is that they are surprising both for the person who experiences them and the people around them.

For a child, griefbursts can look to unexpecting adults like misbehavior, disregulation, or rowdiness. Meanwhile, adults may find themselves taken aback at how quickly a griefburst derails a regular workday or what they expected to be an uneventful visit to the grocery store.

Grieving individuals need reminders that griefbursts are normal and expected.

Be a comfortable and confiding presence.

Your words and actions as a support to someone grieving should denote that you are open to listening when they need to chat and being silent when they need silence. Follow their lead.

Never create a scenario in which a person who is grieving feels the need to comfort you. Their time to share about their grief and loss, however detailed they choose, is about them. If you over-emote all over the place after hearing their experience, then they may feel like you are not someone who is willing or able to “handle” hearing about their grief. If they end up using their emotional energy comforting you, then they may not find much of their own relief from the situation.

In cases of death, do not avoid talking about the person who died. Most people who are grieving the death of someone they cared about want to hear others say the person’s name or talk about memories they have. It can be lonely if everyone around them is too fearful to bring the person up in conversation. If you clam up and act uncomfortable anytime they say the person’s name or something about them, your grieving friend may internalize that you are not the place they feel safe talking about their grief.

Finally, remind yourself to just be normal! Do not badger someone for grief journey updates or make your whole relationship with them about their state of grief.

I love the tip from Dallas Grief Counseling to say “I am thinking about you today. No response needed, I just wanted you to know” [6].

Offer practical, tangible help.

“Let me know if you need anything” means very little to a person in grief. Offer tangible help that maybe they did not even consider they could need. Sometimes a person in grief may experience a mental fog that keeps them from taking care of basic needs such as remembering to eat. Meet these needs when you see them.

– I would like to watch your kids for you one afternoon so you can take a break to do something for yourself. Is next Thursday good?

– I hired someone to clean your house while you are at work. What day can they come?

– Here are your belongings you left at work when you got the news. I will set them in your home office for when you are ready to see them.

– I noticed you have been receiving a lot of visitors all morning. How about I make you a plate of food?

Do not rush someone’s process.

Grief does not have a specific timeline. It is highly insensitive to suggest someone should be “over” their grief by a certain point. Check out our previous post about grief to learn more about this!

Do not over-relate your own experience to theirs.

Since we all grieve in different ways, it is important not to hijack someone’s discussion about their grief experience by talking too much or too long about your own. While you may notice some similarities between the two of you, remember that they came to you for support for what they are going through. This is not the time to share your entire grief story unless asked.

Remember that grief comes in all shapes and sizes, and is not just related to death

Grief is most often discussed as the loss of another person to death. However, loss occurs quite often in life in other scenarios. We do not always even recognize what we are feeling to be grief.

Below are a few definitions of some different types of grief.

Different subsets of grief and examples

Disenfranchised grief—an experience in which the people around a person may not feel that the grief response is legitimate or warranted. Someone may be deemed “dramatic” for experiencing a certain level of grief.

Complicated grief—Complicated Bereavement Disorder is actually a diagnosable mental health disorder and is marked by persistent grief that does not appear to alleviate over a certain amount of time. People who suffer from this may feel stuck in a state of loss and unable to move forward.

(Please seek professional help if you believe that you are experiencing this type of grief).

Complex grief—mixed feelings about the person or thing that they are grieving. Maybe an adult child of an alcoholic father is grieving the father’s death, while still carrying wounds from his harmful patterns of behavior.

ambiguous grief—ambiguous grief refers to the loss of something that is not fully “gone.” The best example of ambiguous grief I can give is of a birth mother who is grieving the loss of her child (as well as her role of active parent) after choosing an adoption plan for her infant.

(check out our AdoptionWorks webpage for more information on birth parents and the adoption journey)

anticipatory grief—preparing for a grief that has not happened yet. This could apply to loving someone with a terminal illness, or experiencing the pending divorce of a parent, or preparing for the end of a season of life, like when graduating college.

collective grief—a group of people grieving the same loss, such as a national tragedy or natural disaster.

Secondary grief—experiencing the loss of something directly related to a primary loss. For example, the loss of a job may also come with the loss of relationships associated with that job.

References:

1. Anticipatory grief. Grief Journey. (2020, October 22). Retrieved November 19, 2022, from https://griefjourney.com/article-library/anticipatory-grief/%C2%A0

2. Bowman, C. R. (n.d.). What to say to someone who is grieving. Grief and Loss Center. Retrieved November 20, 2022, from https://mygriefandloss.org/what-to-say-to-someone-grieving

3. Feder, T. (2022). Dancing at the pity party: A dead mom graphic memoir. Dial Books.

4. Kelly, L. (2021, September 23). 16 different types of grief. Talkspace. Retrieved November 19, 2022, from https://www.talkspace.com/blog/types-of-grief/%C2%A0

5. Moberly, N. (2022, January 28). 12 types of grief you may not know about. 12 Types of Grief You May Not Know About. Retrieved November 19, 2022, from https://www.betterup.com/blog/types-of-grief

6. West, L. (2022, October 2). Grief counseling dallas: Grief: Dealing with grief. DGC. Retrieved November 20, 2022, from https://www.dallasgriefcounseling.com/

7. Williams, L. (n.d.). What not to say to someone who’s grieving. Grief and Loss Center. Retrieved November 20, 2022, from https://mygriefandloss.org/what-not-to-say-to-someone-whos-grieving

Am I Doing it Right? A Discussion on Grief: Part One

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Grief.

It is an unavoidable human experience.

In the wake of the September 11th attacks in 2001, Queen Elizabeth II famously stated that “grief is the price we pay for love.”

We grieve many things: the death of a person, the end of a season of life, or a relationship that we yearned for that never came to fruition.

The smell of a childhood home.

A face without wrinkles, or pain-free joints.

Some things like infertility seem to bring waves of grief unending.

Grief often bursts through unexpectedly in the face of unmet expectations.

Grief.

It can come upon a person all at once, or creep up little by little over time. It changes shape and intensity and manifests itself through various other emotions, as well.

Sometimes a person may not even identify that the heaviness they carry is grief. Sometimes grief is all a person can think about.

As a therapist, I have been asked fervently by clients,

How do I get over it? What do I do? Just tell me what to do and I will do it.

It is common for clients to ask for a set of guidelines to overcome emotional or psychological pain; this is not unusual. But with grief in particular, individuals seem to pressure themselves with timelines and ideas of “correctness.”

Many people mistakenly assume that there is a “right way” to grieve. They have heard that there are stages involved, and they arrive to counseling with an agenda to grieve in a way that earns them a straight “A” report card from their therapist.

But just like all of my other clients who expect me to write them a guidebook for their healing journeys, these individuals are often disappointed that there is no perfect formula to grieving.

You see, the “Stages of Grief” are not linear, and each stage is not even always necessary. Instead, the grief journey is deeply personal.

The personal aspect of grief does not mean a person must grieve alone. But it does mean that they will likely have unique responses and experiences, potentially vastly different from even their closest friends and family members.

Most of us have at least heard of the stages of grief, popularized by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying.

And though Kübler-Ross herself admitted that the stages of grief are not necessarily linear, cultural understanding of them has led many of us to believe that they are. [5, 6].

Most professionals have alternatively come to describe this model as the “states of grief” that can overlap, run out of order, or even run amok [6]. Despite common misconceptions, it is not even necessary to “complete” one stage before moving on to the other.

Point being, grief is messy and frustrating and weighty. It is different for everyone, yet shares some common themes. And it can impact a person in countless ways.

The brain’s response to grief

Mary-Frances O’Connor, author of The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss, actually differentiates between “grief” and “grieving,” masterfully stating that “grief is the wave that knocks you off your feet and surprises you with both its ferocity and its strangeness.”

She describes “grieving” as “how the feeling of grief changes over time without ever going away” [12].

But where does the brain come in? Without getting too technical about it, let’s just say that professionals agree that grief “rewires the brain” [9, 14, 13).

For example, if a person’s spouse dies, the brain experiences emotional trauma. Every mental and physical activity that was once a second-nature habit now must change. And with it, the brain’s response.

A grieving wife may not need to make a double batch of coffee in the morning anymore. Or maybe she picks up her phone to call her husband when a tire goes flat on the highway, only remembering he died a month ago.

Our brains must adjust to an entire life being removed from us.

When my Mawmaw died earlier this year, I did not feel the finality of her loss until I saw her empty chair in her living room—the place she has greeted me from my entire life. That chair made it feel as if she had simply walked to the kitchen to find something and would wander back in a few minutes. In a way, that experience felt like I was losing her all over again.

When a good friend of mine died by suicide when I was in college, I would sometimes still think I saw him on campus. It would take a few beats before remembering it could not possibly be him. And the grief that had subsided for a while would again come in waves.

Our brains are kind of like a system of country dirt roads. Neurons make pathways over time, and the ruts run deeper and deeper the more we use these same pathways. Rerouting those pathways can sometimes require great effort and discomfort.

Grief, even when expected, is a complete shock to this pathway system.

Grieving, at least as O’Connor describes, is the process of your brain making those changes over time. And while our brains adjust to new routines and patterns of thought (also known as neuroplasticity), we still remember the reality that once was.

Neuroplasticity allows our brains to adjust as needed. One day the grieving wife no longer grabs two coffee mugs, and she becomes used to calling her son for car trouble. But that does not mean she does not remember her husband. She has simply calibrated her neuron paths to no longer attend to the daily activities or thought processes of him being an active part of her life.

Mary-Frances O’Connor beautifully says, “For the brain, your loved one is simultaneously gone and also everlasting” [11].

The body’s response to grief

While the brain is creating new neuron pathways in the grieving process, our bodies may respond in a variety of ways during this transitional time.

Studies of recently-bereaved elderly spouses suggest that these individuals have an almost doubly-higher likelihood of mortality than their peers. Such studies identify that the immune system, cardiovascular health, and mental capacities are greatly impacted in this demographic [2, 3, 4, 14].

There has also been links to sleep disturbances, chronic stress, worsening symptoms of diabetes and other pre-existing conditions, and high levels of stress hormones in people of all ages who are grieving [6, 7, 9, 14].

And of course, chronic grief is directly related to mental concerns such as the increase or onset of depression and/or anxiety.

As mentioned above, grief is a shock to the brain’s neuron system. Our body is made up of many systems that are in constant communication with one another, and each is subsequently affected by drastic traumatic changes such as the loss of a loved one.

For individuals in the grieving process, it is important to not only focus on these physiological symptoms that are present in our bodies, but to also seek professional mental and emotional support as means of providing ourselves the appropriate space to heal in all areas of life.

But really, am I doing it right?

I know, I know. Some of you still have this question. I get it. So let me shout it from the rooftops:

There is no proper or perfect way to grieve.

You may even grieve differently in different seasons of life or for different kinds of relationships or in different kinds of scenarios.

What I do ask of you is that you do not do it alone.

Reach out.

Reach out to ChristianWorks, or to a friend, or to one of the resources below.

Reach out to someone and be honest about how you are doing. The human experience was not meant to be lived out in a vacuum. If it were, grief wouldn’t exist to begin with.

Reach out.

Dallas/ Fort-Worth Resources

*Compiled by GriefWorks Coordinator Nataliya Rutherford

Adult support groups/resources:

– GriefShare – multiple locations throughout the metroplex: www.griefshare.org

– TAPS (Texas Assistance Program for Survivors)– grief support for survivors of military loss: www.taps.org

– Jordan Elizabeth Harris Foundation (suicide post-vention services): https://jordanharrisfoundation.org/postvention

– The Grief & Loss Center of North Texas: https://mygriefandloss.org/resources

– Actively Moving Forward – online support for young adults, app available: www.healgrief.org

– M.E.N.D. (Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death): https://www.mend.org/chapter-dfw-monthly

Children’s support groups/resources:

– ChristianWorks’ GriefWorks program (both FW & Dallas): www.christian-works.org/grief

– The Grief & Loss Center of North Texas: https://mygriefandloss.org/kids

– Journey of Hope (Plano): www.johgriefsupport.org

– The Warm Place (FW): www.thewarmplace.org

– Broken Halos Haven (a retreat for widows & children, Lewisville): www.brokenhaloshaven.org

– Jenny’s Hope (Decatur): www.jennys-hope.org

Grief Resources & Education:

– Coalition to Support Grieving Students (for educators): www.grievingstundents.org

– Dougy Center’s Pathways Program for families who have a member with advanced serious illness: https://www.dougy.org/grief-support-resources/advanced-serious-illness

– National Alliance for Children’s Grief; resources, trainings, & toolkits: www.nacg.org

 

Stay tuned for part 2 of this series:

That Doesn’t look like grief: Talking to my friends about their loss
References:

1. Clarke, J. (2022, July 26). The five stages of grief. Verywell Mind. Retrieved November 6, 2022, from https://www.verywellmind.com/five-stages-of-grief-4175361

2. Fagundes, C. P., Brown, R. L., Chen, M. A., Murdock, K. W., Saucedo, L., LeRoy, A., Wu, E. L., Garcini, L. M., Shahane, A. D., Baameur, F., & Heijnen, C. (2018). Grief, depressive symptoms, and inflammation in the spousally bereaved. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 100, 190–197. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psyneuen.2018.10.006

3. Fagundes, C. P., Murdock, K. W., LeRoy, A., Baameur, F., Thayer, J. F., & Heijnen, C. (2018). Spousal bereavement is associated with more pronounced ex vivo cytokine production and lower heart rate variability: Mechanisms underlying cardiovascular risk? Psychoneuroendocrinology, 93, 65–71. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psyneuen.2018.04.010

4. Finkbeiner, A. (2021, April 22). The Biology of Grief. The New York Times. Retrieved November 10, 2022, from https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/22/well/what-happens-in-the-body-during-grief.html

5. Haslam, N. (2018, October 21). The five stages of grief don’t come in fixed steps – everyone feels differently. The Conversation. Retrieved November 6, 2022, from https://theconversation.com/the-five-stages-of-grief-dont-come-in-fixed-steps-everyone-feels-differently-96111

6. Holland, J. M., & Neimeyer, R. A. (2010). An examination of stage theory of grief among individuals bereaved by natural and violent causes: A meaning-oriented contribution. OMEGA – Journal of Death and Dying, 61(2), 103–120. https://doi.org/10.2190/om.61.2.b

7. Hopf, D., Eckstein, M., Aguilar‐Raab, C., Warth, M., & Ditzen, B. (2020). Neuroendocrine mechanisms of grief and bereavement: A systematic review and implications for future interventions. Journal of Neuroendocrinology, 32(8). https://doi.org/10.1111/jne.12887

8. How coping with grief can affect your brain. Henry Ford Health. (2018, June 4). Retrieved November 10, 2022, from https://www.henryford.com/blog/2018/06/how-coping-with-grief-can-affect-your-brain

9. McCoy, B. (2021, December 20). How your brain copes with grief, and why it takes time to heal. NPR. Retrieved November 10, 2022, from https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2021/12/20/1056741090/grief-loss-holiday-brain-healing

10. Moberly, N. (2022, January 28). 12 types of grief you may not know about. BetterUp. Retrieved November 6, 2022, from https://www.betterup.com/blog/types-of-grief

11. O’Connor, M.-F. (2022). The Grieving Brain: New discoveries about love, loss, and learning. HarperOne.

12. O’Connor, M.-F. (2022, February 1). Mary-Frances O’Connor recommends readings for the grieving brain. Literary Hub. Retrieved November 5, 2022, from https://lithub.com/mary-frances-oconnor-recommends-readings-for-the-grieving-brain/

13. O’Connor, M.-F. (2019). Grief: A brief history of research on how body, mind, and brain adapt. Psychosomatic Medicine, 81(8), 731–738. https://doi.org/10.1097/psy.0000000000000717

14. Paturel, A. (2020, August 7). The traumatic loss of a loved one is like experiencing a brain injury. Discover Magazine. Retrieved November 5, 2022, from https://www.discovermagazine.com/mind/the-traumatic-loss-of-a-loved-one-is-like-experiencing-a-brain-injury

15. Prigerson, H. G., & Maciejewski, P. K. (2008). Grief and acceptance as opposite sides of the same coin: Setting a research agenda to study peaceful acceptance of loss to study peaceful acceptance of loss. British Journal of Psychiatry, 193(6), 435–437. https://doi.org/10.1192/bjp.bp.108.053157

Why the Changing of the Seasons is Cathartic

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One thing that the drudging-on of the pandemic taught me was an appreciation for the changing of the seasons. In the early full-lockdown days I was able to enjoy the full spectrum of Spring erupt outside my guest-bedroom-turned-counseling-office window. I could take breaks to walk around outside between client sessions, and I finally took on some of our household plant caretaking duties that usually belonged fully to my husband and his genetically-acquired green thumb.

It occurred to me that seeing the daily progression of my surroundings change was an unintended quick course on the importance of practicing presence and patience.

This experience, combined with the entrance into my 30’s and the compulsory nostalgia that accompanies such an event, created an awareness in me of how important the changes in our natural world are for my overall wellness.

In reflecting on this phenomenon lately, the best word I could conjure for it is cathartic.

My ever-faithful friend Google Dictionary shared with me that cathartic means that something provides psychological relief.

And dear goodness, if you have ever experienced a Texas summer then you can agree wholeheartedly that Autumn brings relief from every side.

The whole state finally takes a true, deep breath sometime in mid-October that we have been holding in since May.

But what it is it that gives us such a relief each time the seasons change? I have been thinking about this a lot, and I think it comes down to four main concepts.

1. Changing of the seasons provides rhythm to life.

Rhythms of life provide structure, context, and comfortable predictability. When it comes to the changing of the seasons, the Lord could have easily left us in a bland and unchanging state of being, with little variation in our environment. But I believe He provided gentle (and sometimes not so gentle) changes to the natural world throughout the year to remind us of His consistency, promises to provide, and ultimate power.

Though we are no longer as connected to our food sources as previous generations once were, it is important to consider how the predictable times for planting, harvesting, storing, and feasting continue to play a large role in the human experience.

Many of our cultural traditions still follow this pattern. Regardless of your role or occupation, there are times of new projects and hard work, times of growth, times to celebrate, and times of reflection—all which seem to point to similar seasonal themes of our agricultural ancestors.

2. The changing of the seasons offers much-needed connection to the physical world.

My lockdown-era experience highlighted this in a stark way.

If we regularly roam about from indoor activity to another, we miss out on the emotional and biological regulatory benefits of witnessing the changing of the seasons

(To learn more about these benefits, visit our previous blog on Wilderness Therapy here).

In the therapy world, we often preach to clients the importance of practicing presence to offset a host of mental disorder symptoms and general stress.

Practicing presence is done by activating all 5 senses, which is honestly easiest to do when one is outdoors where the senses can be best utilized. The idea is that if a person is actively focused on what he or she can smell, taste, see, feel, and hear in their present environment, then it is much more difficult to dwell on anxieties outside of that present environment. The more one practices presence, the easier it becomes to ward off unnecessary stress.

Finding moments of such presence in the modern world is a difficult feat. Being alone with our thoughts can terrify us, so we reach for our screens or for any distractions to remove us from the present moment.

The changing of the seasons challenges the rat race mentality and calls us to slow down, to breathe, and to participate in a natural display of balance and beauty.

3. Our brains and bodies are wired to respond to the changing of the seasons.

I will be honest, this is a scientific rabbit hole that I spent way too much time delving into today. To sum up my findings, it seems that researchers agree that our bodies and brains naturally respond to our seasonal environments in a variety of ways, but there remains much to be discovered about how each body system is impacted.

Several studies have concluded that different parts of our brains seasonally grow and shrink to meet necessary demands, though scientists are still unsure as to why each of these brain functions shift exactly when they do [1, 3]

There has also been new evidence to suggest trends of seasonal variation of symptoms for people with multiple sclerosis, chronic headaches, depression, dementia, psychosis, and schizophrenia [1, 3, 4, 6, 11]. The findings about these seasonal trends can help those who suffer with symptoms of these different diagnoses make a personal wellness plan and be prepared to garner extra resources and support during more difficult months of the year.

And of course, there is the well-known example of Seasonal Affective Disorder, a kind of depression that emerges each year in the fall and persists through the winter months [7].

Seasonal changes also appear to biologically impact generally healthy individuals. It is normal for metabolism to change during the winter months due to natural insulin resistance [5, 10], and for barometric pressure to increase the prevalence of headaches, especially for women, during autumn [1].

So what do we do with all of this seemingly unrelated information? Why does it even matter? For myself, I think it tends to point toward the idea that we were meant to be an active presence in our natural environment, instead of completely closed off in comfortably regulated buildings for the majority of our lives. While we may not know all the “ins and outs” of the environmental connections to our bodies and brains that the seasons bring, these scientific conclusions remind us the importance of being present where we are, and listening to our body’s rhythmic cues to better take care of ourselves and others.

Proponents of “seasonal living” such as Dr. Myle Spar [10], suggest that anyone can practice elements of living in conjunction with the seasonal shifts. Some components of this lifestyle may include intentionally eating foods that are seasonal in your area, shifting exercise regimens to include outdoor activities when the weather is pleasant, and practicing mindfulness during times that SAD or other concerns are more likely to impact you [8, 10]. It honestly appears to be a quite simple practice that promotes small changes in your lifestyle that shift with the seasons to achieve overall balance.

4. Last, but certainly not least, the seasons activate nostalgia.

I am certain all of us could provide our own vivid example of nostalgia, otherwise defined as a “sentimentality for the past” [2]. We have all caught a familiar smell or seen an old photo that sends us hurtling into another time and place altogether. Sometimes these little moments surprise us, and the nostalgia can feel all-consuming.

The changing of the seasons does exactly this on a large scale, using all our senses. It is ironic, actually, that the same 5 senses that help us practice presence are also the very things that summon nostalgia, with its countless memories and resulting emotions in tow.

For the most part, nostalgia is a harmless part of the human experience that brings comfort and sweet, affectionate yearning for times long gone. And usually, “the hauntings of times gone by, and the imaginings of times to come, strengthen us in lesser times” [2].

We welcome each new season because it is both new and familiar at the same time: a fresh opportunity for growth within the safe and cozy space of an old friendship.

In a way, the changing of the seasons are simply tangible mile markers to the passage of time; they mark our personal connection to the tiny blip of human history in which we participate. And each time that mile marker reappears, it drags with it the memories of highs and lows of the times we have been here before.

The changing of the seasons: They are happening constantly, and yet we rarely stop to notice. What lessons could we learn from these little, daily shifts in our world that lead to grand transformations?

Sounds like a fantastic counseling metaphor if you ask me.

References:

1. Book, G. A., Meda, S. A., Janssen, R., Dager, A. D., Poppe, A., Stevens, M. C., Assaf, M., Glahn, D., & Pearlson, G. D. (2021, March 24). Effects of weather and season on human brain volume. PLOS ONE. Retrieved October 7, 2022, from https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0236303

2. Burton, N. (2020, March 24). The meaning of nostalgia. Psychology Today. Retrieved October 7, 2022, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/hide-and-seek/201411/the-meaning-nostalgia

3. Clark, K. (2021, October 1). The seasons are changing and so is your brain. Discover Magazine. Retrieved October 2, 2022, from https://www.discovermagazine.com/health/the-seasons-are-changing-and-so-is-your-brain

4. Hallam, K. T., Berk, M., Kader, L. F., Conus, P., Lucas, N. C., Hasty, M., Macneil, C. M., & McGorry, P. D. (2014, June 24). Seasonal influences on first-episode admission in affective and non-affective psychosis: Acta Neuropsychiatrica. Cambridge Core. Retrieved October 2, 2022, from https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/acta-neuropsychiatrica/article/abs/seasonal-influences-on-firstepisode-admission-in-affective-and-nonaffective-psychosis/B990149BAB65AD596ED20C9AAD366829

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