Author: ChristianWorks

Choose Positive Adoption Language

Posted on | by ChristianWorks

The way we talk – and the words we use- say a lot about what we think and value. When we use positive adoption language, we day that adoption is a way to build a family just as birth is.  Both are important, but one is not more important than the other.

Choose the following, positive adoption language, instead of negative adoption talk that helps perpetuate the myth that adoption is second best. By using positive adoption language, you will reflect the true nature of adoption, free on innuendo.

Positive Language

Birth parent
Biological Parent
Birth Child
My Child
Born to Unmarried Parents
Terminate Parental Rights
Make an Adoption Plan
To Parent
Waiting Child
Biological Father
Making Contact With
Parent
International Adoption
Adoption Triad
Permission to Sign a Release
Search
Child Placed for Adoption
Court Termination
Child with Special Needs
Child from Abroad
Was Adopted

Negative Language

Real Parent
Natural Parent
Own Child
Adopted Child, Own Child
Illegitimate
Give Up
Give Away
To Keep
Adoptable Child, Available Child
Begetter
Reunion
Adoptive Parent
Foreign Adoption
Adoption Triangle
Disclosure
Track Down Parents
An Unwanted Child
Child Taken Away
Handicapped Child
Foreign Child
Is Adopted

Words not only convey facts, they also evoke feelings. When a TV movie talks about a “custody battle” between “real parents” and “other parents”, society gets the wrong impression that only the birth parents are real parents and the adoptive parents aren’t real parents. Members of society may also wrongly conclude that all adoptions are “battles.”

Positive adoption language can stop the spread of misconceptions such as these. By using adoption language, we educate others about adoption. We choose emotionally “correct” words over emotionally-laden words. We speak and write in positive adoption language with the hopes of impacting others so that this language will someday become the norm.

Click here to learn more about our adoption and post adoption services at ChristianWorks for Children.

Permission to reprint this page granted by OURS magazine, Adoptive Families of America. Click here to find out more.

How to Tell Your Kids You’re Proud of Them

Posted on | by ChristianWorks

As graduation season approaches and ceremonies roll by, many of us find ourselves the proud parents of truly exceptional children. But, recent studies have found that we don’t always do a good job of communicating that feeling.  That’s unfortunate because when kids know their parents are proud of them the result is usually a much stronger relationship.  And a stronger relationship can be important as our kids get older, want more independence and often find themselves in conflict with parental rules and regulations.

So how does one go about effectively communicating the pride that you feel for your child?

  •  Praise what matters.

Offering praise for things that really aren’t challenging and really aren’t much of an accomplishment ends up turning all of our praise into “white noise,” background words that don’t carry much meaning or worth and which our kids often ignore. Praise them on what counts so that your appreciation is heard and valued.

  • Focus on the process, rather than simply on the outcome.

When a child is working hard and putting in extra effort, a parental praise is heard and appreciated.  What you are doing is highlighting the effort and initiative of your child, rather than focusing on only the results. When we praise our kids for putting in that extra effort, it becomes a reward that reinforces the work they’re doing and makes it more likely that they will want to continue to try as hard in the future.

  • Find a balance between offering too little or too much praise.

We need to recognize when a child is pushing themselves to try something new or to work a little harder. That’s the time to compliment and let your child see how pleased you are of the effort they’re making. The end result may not be a first place trophy or any measurable success, but you want your child to know you’re proud of his or her trying.

We cannot simply assume our children know we are proud, so we must learn how to effectively communicate our pride . It’s important for parents to be proud of their children and what they do. But it’s even more important that this pride is clearly communicated.

At CounselingWorks, we help families restore healthy relationships everyday. A counselor can be a great asset to help you learn to better communicate with the ones you love. Learn more about our counseling services. 

This article is provided by the American Counseling Association. Visit the ACA website at www.counseling.org.

 

4 Ways We Reinforce Low Self-Esteem and Steps to Improve

Posted on | by ChristianWorks

Self-esteem is simply your evaluation of your own worth. Feeling good about yourself is vital to living a happy, healthy life.

When someone has low self-esteem, seeing little value in themselves, it can lead to depression, cause someone to fall short of their true potential and cause the person to tolerate abusive situations and relationships.

There are four common ways we reinforce feelings of low self-esteem.

  • Waiting for the perfect moment.

Rather than living in the present, we feel we have to wait until we are smarter, richer, or happier before we take action. If we go ahead and do things, instead of waiting for the elusive perfect moment, we usually find that we start feeling smarter, richer and happier after all.

  • Ignoring our own needs.

While pleasing someone else can make us feel good, that isn’t true if helping others always means we are putting our own needs on hold. Sometimes it’s important to recognize and voice our wants and to ask for help in small ways. Self-esteem increases when our relationships become more reciprocal.

  • Trying to make everything perfect.

It’s nice to get it all right, but we sometimes put too much pressure on ourselves to be perfect. It’s also okay to make mistakes. Self-esteem rises when we are able to view life as a work-in-progress that allows us to live and play in the moment.

  • Never taking chances.

When we stay safe all the time inside our comfort zone we end up not progressing. Even though trying something new can make us feel uncomfortable, the more you take chances, the more opportunities you give yourself to feel proud and to improve your self-esteem.

At CounselingWorks, we help people meet their mental, emotional and spiritual needs. A counselor can be a great asset to help you evaluate you personal levels of self esteem and help you set goals to improve. Learn more about our counseling services.

This article is provided by the American Counseling Association. Visit the ACA website at www.counseling.org.