Author: ChristianWorks

3 Steps to Handling Disagreements

Posted on | by ChristianWorks

We all want our relationships to be warm, happy and free of conflict, but in the real world this is often not the case. Whether it’s a romantic relationship, a family relationship, or even one between friends, at times there will be differences of opinions that can lead to disagreements, and sometimes to very strong, relationship-ending fall-outs.

Virtually every relationship will have conflicts at times simply because, regardless of how much you love and respect each other, two individuals have different personalities, tastes, interests and backgrounds.

But a relationship disagreement doesn’t have to be a major problem. If you learn to disagree fairly, and commit to working to find ways to resolve conflicts, a disagreement can often make a relationship stronger and help build the respect that each of you has for the other.

A starting point is identifying the real source of the dissent. It’s not unusual for a couple to forget what originally prompted an argument or to find that each has a different concept about what really is the main issue.

Once you’re agreed on why you disagree, it’s time to work out the conflict. That doesn’t mean a screaming match at bedtime, or stony silence and carefully ignoring the other person and the problem.

1. Pick the Right Time

Start by finding a time when you’re both rested and able to give the situation your full attention without being interrupted by work or other people.

2. Set Some Rules

Set some common sense ground rules for arguing fairly. Don’t, for example, simply blame the other person, insisting he or she is wrong. This just puts that person in a defensive position and all the more determined to fight.

Instead, take some responsibility for the problem yourself (after all, it’s a fifty-fifty chance that you may just be in the wrong). Use positive “I” statements that talk about your feelings and thoughts, rather than “you” statements that have you telling the other person what he or she supposedly feels or thinks.

3. Listen Up

Most importantly, listen. Give the other person a chance to talk and explain. Really listen to the feelings and emotions being expressed.

When you work to disagree fairly and to resolve conflicts in a relationship, the result can be a stronger partnership with increased respect for each other. Your goal is a healthy relationship, not winning the argument at any cost.

At CounselingWorks, we help people work through conflict every day. A counselor can be a great asset to help you negotiate a disagreement or conflict on neutral ground.  Learn more about our counseling services.

This article is provided by the American Counseling Association. Visit the ACA website at www.counseling.org.

Family Counseling – An Option For Many Situations

Posted on | by ChristianWorks

Each of us faces problems at various times, and when we do we usually think the burden of these problems is ours and ours alone. However, there are many times when there may be real value in involving those with whom we’re the closest – our families.

Many times we fail to realize that family members can offer important assistance in a variety of ways. Involving them may lead to greater understanding, to more support, or to helping find and treat the causes of a problem.

Family counseling is a specialized field within the counseling profession that first developed in the 1950s. Professional counselors working in this field tend to focus on the family as a client, rather than just seeing a person or two as the ones with the problem.

While there are no specific indicators showing that family counseling may be right for your situation, there are some general signs that a family may be well served in getting treatment. For an individual facing a problem, family counseling might be appropriate if…

  • the person really wants other family members to know of the situation
  • he or she believes that actions by other members of the family need to change in order to deal with the problem
  • the problems being faced are long-term, serious issues, such as addiction or severe depression

Finding a family counselor need not be difficult. CounselingWorks has family counselors around the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex. Contact us today to schedule an appointment.

Professional counselors specializing in family counseling will be glad to describe how they work and the methods they use. Don’t be afraid to ask questions.

Family counseling has been shown to be as effective as individual counseling. It is an excellent way to break down barriers, improve communication and intimacy and to find more productive ways of operating a family.

Learn more about CounselingWorks.

This article is provided by the American Counseling Association. Visit the ACA website at www.counseling.org.

Easter through the Eyes of a Grieving Child

Posted on | by ChristianWorks

Each week at GriefWorks, children and families gather to support each other through their grief journey. The following is a story about one of these meetings told by GriefWorks Director Larry Barber.

As the circle of eager children and their family members prepared to go into their grief support groups, I asked the group to share any exciting news that was happening in their lives. Seven-year-old Brandon, who always has something exciting to share, stuck his hand up in the air.

Easter bunny“Easter is coming soon!” he shouted with a big smile on his face.

“And why do we celebrate Easter?” I said.

“Because we get candy…and stuffed animals!” Brandon proclaimed.

“That’s right. Sometimes we do get candy and gifts,” I said. “But what else do we celebrate!”

“Fake tattoos!” he shot back. “Sometimes I get fake tattoos!”

“Okay,” I replied. “But what else do we celebrate at Easter?”

Five-year-old Mandy spoke up. “Jesus died on the cross.”

“That’s right,” I said. “And then what happened?”

“God brought Jesus back from the dead!” exclaimed Mandy.

“WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!” Brandon shouted as he threw back his arms and his little body bent backward in protest. “How come Jesus gets to come back from the dead and my Nana doesn’t?” said Brandon as he stared angrily at me. “That’s not fair!!!”

That was certainly not the response I had expected as we talked about the glorious resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. But honestly, Brandon is not the first person grieving over the death of a loved one who has asked that question. To the mourner missing a loved one, that doesn’t seem fair.

Easter is a joyous time filled with candy, Easter egg hunts and sunrise Easter services speaking of hope and heaven. But for the mourner it can be emotional and sometimes painful.

  • Easter activities with an emphasis on family, friends and loved ones can be a reminder of their loss.
  • Easter with its focus on death can be a reminder of the hole in their hearts and in their lives.
  • Easter with its focus on resurrection and an empty tomb can be a reminder that the casket, urn or vault containing their loved one is still filled.

As children and adults went to their GriefWorks support groups, I leaned down to talk with Brandon. I looked into his sad eyes and said, “You know, Brandon, the same power God used to bring back Jesus from the dead, He is going to use to bring us back from the dead….and our loved ones too.”

“Then I’ll get to see Nana?” Brandon said with a relieved smile.

“Yes, you’ll get to see Nana. And the rest of us will get to see the people that we love that God has been taking care of in Heaven,” I said smiling back.

Remember this Easter to have fun, spend time with the ones you love most, thank Jesus for His sacrifice and celebrate The Empty Tomb—the symbol of all believers’ hope for today and tomorrow.

But remember, too, those who are hurting because of death. Sometimes in the deafening pain of grief it is hard to feel comfort, joy and hope. All they can feel or hear is pain and sadness after the loss.  Be with the mourner this Easter.  Without preaching or trying to change their grief, share some of your hope from The Empty Tomb.

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live… (John 11:25)