Table Talks: How to Talk to Your Children About Divorce

Divorce is never easy, especially when children are involved. As a stepmom, there have been many times that I have needed to navigate these sensitive conversations, And while they can be challenging, they are essential to helping your children understand and process the changes in their lives. When approaching this topic, it’s crucial to be mindful of their feelings, make the discussion age-appropriate, and offer reassurance that, despite the changes, they are loved and supported.

The Impact of Divorce on Children

Divorce can have a significant impact on children, affecting them emotionally, socially, and academically. According to recent statistics, approximately 40% of children in the United States will experience their parents’ divorce before turning 18. Research has shown that children of divorced parents are more likely to experience mental health challenges, with 20-25% exhibiting long-term problems compared to 10% of children from intact families. Additionally, children may struggle with feelings of loss, abandonment, and confusion as they adjust to their new family dynamics.

For more information and statistics on children and divorce, you can visit American Psychological Association.

Making the Conversation Age-Appropriate

One of the most important aspects of discussing divorce with your children is tailoring the conversation to their age and developmental level. Younger children may need simple explanations, while older kids and teens may require more detailed discussions. Here are some tips to guide you:

1. For Littles (Ages 5-8): Keep the conversation simple and direct. Explain that sometimes parents live in different houses but that both parents still love them very much. Use clear and comforting language, and reassure them that they are not to blame.
2. For Middles (Ages 9-12): At this age, children might start asking more questions. Be honest but gentle in your responses. Acknowledge their feelings and let them know it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused.
3. For Teens (Ages 13-18): Teens may have a deeper understanding of the situation and may be more likely to express their emotions. Encourage open dialogue and listen to their concerns. Provide them with space to process their feelings but make sure they know you’re there to support them.
4. For Parents: It’s important to work closely with your co-parent to ensure that communication with the children is consistent and supportive. Discuss how you’ll present information and how you can both be there for the kids during this time.

Tips for Talking About Divorce with Your Kids

Here are five tips for having a healthy and constructive conversation about divorce with your children:

1. Choose the Right Time and Place: Have the conversation in a quiet, private setting, such as the dinner table, where everyone can focus on the discussion without distractions. Ensure that the atmosphere is calm and that you have enough time to talk without rushing.
2. Be Honest, Yet Reassuring: Provide truthful explanations that are appropriate for their age. Avoid giving them too much information or details they may not need to know. Emphasize that both parents love them and that they will continue to be a family, even if things are different now.
3. Encourage Them to Express Their Feelings: Let your children know that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and listen without judgment. You might say, “It’s okay to feel upset. We’re here to help you through this.”
4. Reassure Them That It’s Not Their Fault: Children often blame themselves for their parents’ divorce. Make it clear that the divorce is a decision made by the adults and that it has nothing to do with anything they did.
5. Offer Ongoing Support: Let your children know that you’re there for them and that they can come to you with any questions or worries. Keep the lines of communication open and check in with them regularly.

Healing and Moving Forward

As you navigate these conversations, remember that healing is a process, and it takes time. One quote that resonates deeply in this context is, “A child’s broken heart is not the end of the story; it’s the beginning of a journey toward healing.” By providing love, support, and understanding, you can help your children heal and move forward.

Support Through KidWorks

At ChristianWorks for Children, we understand that children need special help to overcome the losses and changes in their lives due to a divorce. Our KidWorks program is a free support group for children ages five to eighteen who are experiencing the divorce of their parents. KidWorks offers age-appropriate groups for littles, middles, teens, and parents, providing a safe space to explore, identify, and express feelings related to the trauma of divorce.

We believe that honoring the healing process is a necessary component of maintaining healthy relationships in the future. If you or someone you know could benefit from our KidWorks program, we encourage you to reach out and join us as we walk together on the path toward healing.

For more information on KidWorks, please visit ChristianWorks KidWorks Program.

Talking to your children about divorce is challenging, but by approaching the conversation with care, empathy, and understanding, you can help them navigate their emotions and start the healing process. Remember, these talks are not just one-time events but ongoing discussions that support your children through their journey.