Racism is never an easy topic to discuss. When you or your child begin to reflect on your place in the world and your value as a person, thoughts that may come up include, “I am a sister,” “I am a father,” “I’m smart,” “I like that I can make people laugh,” or “I am a human being who values honesty and deserves respect.” Rewind about 70 years, and the color of your skin determined your place and treatment in society.
I was raised in a Black family and identify as a Black woman. I vividly remember a discussion with my parents about Black history when they were watching a recording of Martin Luther King Jr.’s speech, “I’ve Been to the Mountaintop.” As we sat and listened, I remember the warmth, patience, and delicacy my parents showed as I asked questions about what happened to Martin Luther King Jr., Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks, Malcolm X, Emmett Till, and many more. I felt worry and sadness as I learned about why people who looked like me were treated so poorly.
Discussing racial differences with children is important for fostering empathy, understanding, and promoting equality. Here are some pointers for parents on how to approach these conversations:
- Start Early: Even young children may notice differences. It’s important that children understand that, just like hair type, height, and eye color, the color of someone’s skin is part of what makes them unique. We all have similarities and differences, and these should be celebrated.
- Create a Safe Space: Offer children a chance to share any thoughts or emotions they may have without judgment. Children are still learning about themselves and the world, so showing patience as they process their thoughts can be helpful.
- View It as an Opportunity to Learn: Children learn about the world through history lessons at school, interactions with peers, you as their parent, and things they encounter daily. There are also great resources like age-appropriate literature that teach children about different cultures and races through stories they can relate to.
- Encourage Empathy: When discussing racial and cultural differences, explore with your child the concept of fairness. Ask questions like, “What is fairness?” or “Would it be fair to treat someone at school poorly just because they look different?” Most children, depending on their developmental age, understand basic concepts like fairness, kindness, and sharing. Starting with terms they already know can make it easier to foster empathy.
- Diversify Your Exposure: One of the best ways to teach children about race is by exposing them to different cultures and races. Each of us has a unique perspective shaped by how we were raised and what we’ve experienced. Expanding your children’s cultural experiences is an excellent learning opportunity—for both them and you. Whether it’s learning about and celebrating significant holidays or diversifying your children’s book collection, take these opportunities to expose them to a wide variety of cultures and races.
Your willingness to have difficult conversations and step outside of your comfort zone does not go unnoticed. I want to acknowledge that it takes effort, and perhaps vulnerability, as you learn about different cultures and races while teaching your children about diversity.
Parenting has its challenges and rewards. Discussing heavy topics like racism may take time, emotional stamina, and patience. As you pour knowledge into your child and listen to their struggles or experiences, remember to engage in self-care. After all, it’s hard to pour from an empty cup.
